


you're in paradise, who's gonna plant the flowers huh?

by rainydayscribbles



Series: alternatively, madness [2]
Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, adult ben/devi, and they meet each other after they graduate thru mutual friends, but that obvi changes quickly, but theyre not rlly enemies at any point in this fic, but this is such a random concept so i hope you give it a chance, in which devi goes to princeton and ben goes to yale, more so just strangers who immediately dislike each other, okay im rambling like devi, some - Freeform, this is so self indulgent oh my
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:31:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25250167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainydayscribbles/pseuds/rainydayscribbles
Summary: Devi and Ben go on a cruise together at the request of mutual friends.
Relationships: Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar
Series: alternatively, madness [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894261
Comments: 56
Kudos: 118





	1. sunrise, there's a fire in the sky

**Author's Note:**

> hello so. here i am with another adult ben/devi fic. this time they just graduated college and are taking a celebratory cruise with their friends. idk how or why i got this idea in my head bc its random asf and i wrote this chapter as a form of absolute 100% self indulgence! regardless, i kinda like the idea so i hope you guys like it as well,,, pls let me know if you do :))
> 
> some things to note: 
> 
> 1) this is purely brand new characterization. there are no characters that are canon except for ben and devi ofc. there's mentions of nalini and mohan bc they're gems. but other than that, i couldn't find a way to include any of the og characters and then i gave up on trying to so i made some up. i feel like i give them adequate background tho but if not oh whale  
> 2) these kiddos argue over college majors and colleges bc i feel like they'd be the type to be stuck up lil nerds but i hope no one is offended by what they say! i just needed them to fight about smth and their views are nOt my views bc i honestly believe college ranking (or what major u do) could matter less lol  
> 3) this was written in the tags but i get if if u dont acc read them so just be aware that this fic will progress to an E (i think) so yes that's all 
> 
> title from jdnt by glass animals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from knee deep by the zac brown band 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy :)))

Devi sighs, staring at her friends. They had graduated from Princeton not even a week ago and here they were, trying to persuade her to go on a _cruise_ , out of all things. She had been saving money throughout college, working part-time at a coffee shop in between classes, so it wasn't a question of finances. Nalini had reluctantly agreed by some definite miracle, realizing that she needed to let go of her control over her daughter's life now that she was officially a college graduate. The problem was with Devi herself. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do _this_ , get on a boat, and sail off into the middle of the ocean for a few days. For some reason she couldn't place, it made her uncomfortable.

But then again, Devi wanted to celebrate. Who better to celebrate with than her two best friends? She was a college graduate, after all. She deserved some time off before she had to enter the workplace and do other actual adult things.

Also, Devi was a little impulsive. She'd toned down her window-breaking tendencies from high school and the independence of college had done some to help her stress management, but her streak of impulsiveness ran free in some situations, like the rain during a downpour, strong and unrelenting.

"Fine, I'll come."

"Yes!" squeals Ally, green eyes lighting up with excitement. "This is gonna be _so_ fun. Also is it okay if Josh brings two of his friends from Yale?"

Devi had met Ally the first day of freshman year, when they sat next to each other in their hundred person lecture room in Introductory Calculus-Based Physics, both intending to major in engineering. Ally had asked Devi a question within five minutes of the start of the lecture, and Devi had helped her figure it out. Eventually, through late-night study sessions, midday coffee runs, and many mental breakdowns, they'd gotten indescribably close. After their semester ended, Ally had decided that physics nor engineering was her thing, and changed the course of her undergraduate career by switching her major to Business. Devi had actually enjoyed the class, so she kept on pursuing her major in Chemical Engineering, and adding on a minor in Math just because. Both Ally and Devi were grateful for that physics class, however, because even though they were different people who had varied interests, it was the reason they were best friends.

While Devi had dated around in college, Ally had stayed with her high school boyfriend, Josh, who went to Yale. Devi admired that about their relationship, that they remained strong despite the distance. Devi had met Josh a few times and had liked him. He'd actually practically saved her one night when she got way too drunk and tried to jump off a frat balcony into the pool. Not one of her brightest moments. But later that night, he'd taken her to get some good as hell authentic Chinese food at a place that his uncle owned, acting like girls tried to dive 20 feet into a pool all the time, and she admitted that he was a great guy.

So, yeah, Devi was fine with Josh coming. But she wasn't sure about his friends. She was about to open her mouth to say so when another voice beat her to it.

"Oooooo. Yale boys. I'm excited. Are they cute?" chirps Ciara, fiddling with a strand of her dark brown hair.

Ciara was Devi's randomly assigned roommate freshman year of college, and they had liked each other so much they roomed together all three years after that. She was an English and Math double major, and Devi always admired her ability to do two completely different things so well. After Devi had introduced Ciara to Ally, they had all clicked remarkably well, almost _too_ well. Devi had held their hair too many times while they threw up, danced on too many bartops with them, and cried over too many tough classes for them to not be close. 

Ally laughs, bringing Devi back to the present.

"See for yourself," Ally says, holding her phone out to Ciara, already open to someone's Instagram.

"Okay, oh my _gosh_. Is he Hispanic?" Ciara sighs happily, swiping through posts. She was Guatemalan, and Devi had learned a lot about her culture while she lived with her. It was one of her favorite things about college, meeting people, and getting to know their stories and where they came from.

"That's Adrian. He's Puerto Rican. He and Josh are in the same frat," Ally supplies helpfully.

Devi rolls her eyes and peers over Ciara's shoulder to look at the boy in question. The post was of him shirtless, lounging on a boat. He had tan skin and dark brown hair, and a dazzling smile. He was _hot_ , even Devi had to admit, and if he was friends with Josh, he had to be somewhat of a decent guy. But by the way Ciara was staring longingly at the picture, Devi knew that maybe she should back off a little.

"Who's the last guy?" Ciara asks Ally, looking up from her phone.

Ally pauses hesitantly, briefly, but Devi knows her well enough to pick up on it.

"His name is Ben. He's kinda a pain in the ass, to be honest, but he's known Josh since they were in high school, so he's coming."

Devi raises her eyebrow. "Do you have a picture?"

Ally swipes through her phone and hands it back to Devi. Devi looks at the screen, which is a post of him with his parents at his college graduation. The boy—Ben—is well, _attractive_ , and even though he was dressed like a shallow frat boy, there was something about his persona which seemed genuine, _real_. Devi's eyes roamed his face, focusing on his eyes, which were the bluest blue she'd ever seen or known, and his smile, which brightened his whole face and stopped her train of thought for just a fraction of a second. Devi was just starting to think that this might be the- _no_. She actually stops her train of thought this time and hands the phone to Ciara.

The girls keep chattering, making plans for outfits to bring, places to visit, and things to do, but Devi is only half invested as she battles with her internal thoughts. The sight of bright blue eyes keeps haunting her, and she shakes her head a little, trying to forget what she agreed to.

* * *

Devi realizes that no matter how many coffee shop shifts she worked in college, she wasn't suddenly rich and neither were her friends. Which was why, right now, she was trying to stuff her bag into the back of Josh's Ford Expedition, and failing pitifully. They were driving the 10 hours from New Jersey to Charleston, South Carolina (which was where their cruise departed from), to save money. Unfortunately for her, the boys were coming with them.

"So," Ally begins, hands on her hips, addressing the other five. They were all in the parking lot of a Starbucks at 7 in the morning, still half in their pajamas, and trying not to yawn audibly. Devi had picked up her usual venti iced Chai latte while she waited for everyone else to get their stuff in the trunk, which was why she was the only one who was slightly awake. She gives her bag a final push and steps back, picking up what was left of her coffee.

"Devi and Ciara, you guys know Josh." She pauses and Devi smiles at Josh. He smiles back a tad sleepily.

Ally points to the two boys standing near Josh. "This is Adrian, and this is Ben. Ben and Adrian, these are my friends, Ciara and Devi."

Adrian steps forward, raising his hand in a half-wave. "Hey, I'm Adrian." His voice is deep, a low rumble, and Devi sneaks a glance at Ciara to see her practically swooning on the spot. She resists the urge to shove her friend in the shoulder, and instead just introduces herself.

Ciara and Adrian begin talking, but before Devi can focus on them, Ben steps up to her. Devi isn't sure what to make of him, not yet, but she couldn't deny that he looked like the definition of trouble. She starts to feel a tad jumpy but attributes it to the venti coffee that she had practically inhaled on an empty stomach.

"I'm Ben. Ben Gross," he says, smirking directly at Devi.

"I'm Devi," she says, managing to look unimpressed.

Ben, for some reason, chuckles. "David? Your parents named you David? That's a boy's name."

" _Devi_ ," she clarifies, pausing to take a sip of her coffee, already displeased with this interaction. "Not David."

"Whatever you say. I like David better anyway."

Devi rolls her eyes. It was too early for this. "Well, I would appreciate you calling me my _actual_ name, especially since we have to see each other for the next week."

Ben looks amused, and for a second, Devi has to admit it doesn't look bad on him. "I'll think about it, _David_."

Okay, maybe not. Feeling a little like a child on the playground who just had her pigtails pulled, Devi tightens her jaw and glances at Ally, who picks up on the anger starting to fume in her gaze.

"O-kay!" Ally chirps, clearly trying to break whatever tension just arose. "We all need to get going soon so let's get in the car, yeah? Josh is gonna drive so I'm gonna sit shotgun and help him navigate. Devi and Ciara, you guys can take the second row? And Adrian and Ben, the third?"

" _Actually_ ," Ciara begins, in a tone that Devi decidedly doesn't like. "I was wondering if I could sit next to Adrian, just for a little. Maybe we can switch halfway?"

"Yeah," Adrian agrees, a little too enthusiastically. "We are gonna be seeing each other for a week as Devi said, so might as well get to know each other, right?"

Devi glares at Ciara then, and her friend has the grace to look a tad sheepish. But Devi quickly understands she had a crush, and by the way Adrian was responding, he seemed a little into her too. Ciara had done a lot for her to help Devi through her (numerous) crushes in college, so she figured she owed her this one.

"Fine," Devi grumbles, maintaining eye contact with Ciara. Her friend mouths _thank you_ to her, and Devi softens a little, smiling back slightly.

They all climb into the car, and Devi settles next to Ben in the third row, cursing her existence. Josh pulls out from the parking lot and Ally puts on some 70's music, which plays in the background softly. Ciara and Adrian mumble to each other quietly and Devi looks out the window, just starting to think this might be a peaceful road trip. But she is soon-perhaps, _too soon_ -proved wrong.

"What are you drinking?" Ben starts, peering at her cup. "Is that a chai tea latte?"

Devi tears her gaze away from the road to look at him. "It's a chai latte, yeah."

Ben furrows his eyebrows at her. "That's what I said. Chai tea latte."

Devi blinks at him a few times, debating on whether or not to entertain this idiocy or not. "I know Starbucks _calls_ it a chai tea latte. But chai and tea both mean tea. So you're just saying tea tea latte."

Ben chuckles a little at her. "Why does it even matter?"

"It matters because it's a subtle form of cultural appropriation that corporate America has ingrained in everyone," Devi pauses, and fake-smiles at him. "But other than that, you just sound stupid."

Ben widens his eyes in a gesture that Devi is sure is supposed to mean _jeez, calm down._ Just as she thinks she effectively warded him off from talking to her, he opens his mouth to ask another insanely dumb question.

"So, David, you like coffee?"

 _How the hell was his boy so stupid?_ _What about her demeanor said open to conversation?_ "Yeah, of course, I do. _Everyone_ likes coffee."

"Who do you think likes it the most?"

Devi leans her head back against the headrest, staring at the interior of the car, pretending to think. "Fortune-500 CEOs and engineering majors, definitely."

Ben chuckles at her. "You were an engineering major?"

"Chemical, baby." Okay, maybe she was flexing a _tad_ , but she deserved to. Engineering was hard as hell to major in. And there was no way Ben knew anything about it. Devi didn't like making assumptions about others from the outside, but she'd picked up on enough patterns in college to guess what people's majors were just by looking at them. Judging from his outfit (Yale Young Republicans sweatshirt with grey shorts) and empty questions, he was probably an Econ major. Or Finance. Something in the Business realm. No offense to Ally, _obviously_.

"No way. Me too."

Devi jerks her head down to look at him, trying not to let him know she was thinking anything otherwise. "Seriously?"

Ben shrugs his shoulder in an effort to look nonchalant, but Devi can tell he's excited by the way his eyes light up. She pauses for a second to look into them, blue and alight, mesmerized by the color.

"Yeah, for real," he says. "Best type of engineering out there."

"Right? Mech E kids got nothing on us."

Ben laughs softly. "I mean, we were the only ones who knew how to name bicyclic compounds, so at least we had that going for us."

Devi laughs back, starting to think Ben might not be that bad. "Please, those are the easiest. Physical chemistry? Quantum mechanics postulates? Need I say more?"

Ben looks back at her quizzically. "I dunno. I kinda liked physical chemistry, to be honest."

"What type of psychopath actually enjoys physical chemistry?"

"The type of psychopath that's smarter than you. Just admit it, David. Only the _elite_ enjoy physical chemistry."

Devi falters a little, thinking about Ally's description of Ben. _Kinda a pain in the ass_. She was starting to see it.

"Excuse me? I worked in a physical chemistry lab for 2 and a half years, before I even took the course. I like the _subject_ , just not the class."

Ben raises his eyebrows at her. "They're the same thing."

"They're _not_ , but whatever. You did just ask me what a chai tea latte was, so rest assured that I do not think you're smarter than me."

"I did know what it was, obviously. I just asked you to piss you off." He leans closer to her, almost conspiratorially. "But you did go to Princeton, so, of course, you'd think you're the shit."

"What?" Devi demands. He didn't know her _nearly_ well enough to be throwing around false accusations.

Ben leans in again, now a little too much into Devi's personal space. "You. think. you're. the. shit. because. you. went. to Princeton."

"I don't think I'm the shit," Devi says, coolly. "Just that I'm smarter than you."

Ben narrows his eyes at her. "Where's your proof?"

"Princeton is consistently ranked higher than Yale in most departments."

"Yeah, and in having students who think they're better than everyone else," Ben says, a little forcefully.

"That's because we were!" Devi exclaims, resolve breaking a little. "Oh my god, what don't you understand about rankings?"

"Rankings define a whole school. I'm talking about us as two _individuals._ We aren't representatives of our respective schools."

"Of course, I know that," Devi snaps in his face, louder than she wanted to. "I took Stat."

"Oh really? The baby, easy as hell Stat class that Princeton offers?"

Devi resists the urge to punch something (maybe him), and instead raises the pitch of her voice further. "You understand that having a higher ranking literally means our classes were _harder_ than yours."

"No, actually I _don't_ , David. Why don't you explain it to me again? Because I am _dying_ to know."

"Stop calling me David!" Devi nearly yells, freezing as everyone in the car turns to glance at them. Even Josh flickers his eyes away from the road for a second to meet hers in the rearview mirror disapprovingly. She shrinks back, embarrassed, and glances at Ben one last time. He looks a little shocked, but mainly just amused, if the upward curve of his lips is any indication. Devi hardens, turning to look out her window again, as Ally turns up the music in a very not-subtle way.

Devi manages to not talk to Ben for the next few hours, internally brewing a little at their fight. _Did that even count as a fight?_ She barely knew him. But she couldn't deny that her blood ran through her body a little faster when she was sparring with him. It was like a shot of caffeine, a sudden rush of energy, making everything go at a higher speed. Or maybe that was just the coffee she had earlier

Josh pulls into the drive-thru of a Chik-fil-A in Virginia, a fast food place that Devi had never heard of or ate at. But Josh insisted that it had amazing food, so he drives up to the window, taking everyone's orders. Devi said she'd have just whatever Ally was having, not familiar with the menu, or invested enough to look it up.

Ciara passes back her and Ben's food and Devi tries not to pin her with another glare. They had _not_ switched seats at their earlier 10-minute rest stop, as she had promised. Instead, Ciara had pulled Devi aside to rave out how _attractive_ Adrian was and how he _volunteered with kids with autism_ and how he _played the guitar_. Devi tried not to roll her eyes listening to her friend. Anyone could play the guitar. It was not a difficult instrument to learn. Eventually, Devi grew tired of listening to her friend beg her to sit next to Ben for the rest of the drive and conceded, telling her she better make it up to her on the cruise. Ciara agreed, but as Devi watched her turn and run up to Adrian buying water, she wasn't sure if she should get her hopes up.

Devi pulls out her Bath and Body Works hand sanitizer and opened her bag to see a box of eight chicken nuggets. She moves the box out of the way to see if anything else was in the bag but realizing there wasn't, closes her eyes in a brief moment of despair. She should've just ordered for herself. She had temporarily forgotten that Ally could eat a _grape_ and be full.

Sighing, Devi surreptitiously sneaks a glance at Ben's lap, where he was balancing his bag of food. He had ordered a twelve count nugget box with waffle fries, a large drink, a fruit cup, a cup of mac and cheese, _and_ a chocolate chip cookie. She must've been looking for too long because Ben calls her out on it.

"Why are you staring at my food, David?" he says, not even looking at her.

Devi shifts her eyes to his face, still a little peeved from earlier. "Just wondering how one person can fit that much food into their body."

Ben hums happily and starts squeezing ketchup onto his nuggets. "If you want a fry, all you gotta do is ask."

"I don't want your nasty fries which you've touched with your nasty hands," she quips, turning back to her food.

"Do you know any other adjectives?" he asks, taking a bite of his fry. Devi is distracted by how good it looks, golden and tender, and she wills her stomach not to rumble before responding.

"Obviously. But the state of your hands calls for _this_ adjective."

"My hands are _not_ nasty," he says, looking incredulous. "I use Byredo Vetyver No Rise Hand Wash. It costs more than this whole meal."

"Your meal was $10, so I'm not impressed, Gross."

Ben glances at her. "Gross?"

"Yeah. Gross. You wanted me to learn more adjectives." She also knew it was his last name, and judging by the way his eyes softened, he knew she knew it too.

He smiles a little at her and grabs his Chik-fil-A bag, fishing out the container of waffle fries. "Just take one, David."

She narrows her eyes at him for a few seconds, just to show him she's not to be messed with, before reaching out and taking a handful.

He also ends up giving her a fourth of his cookie, which Devi asked for in a moment of weakness on her part, and which he handed to her in what _had_ to be a moment of insanity on his part. Devi attributes this exchange to her hunger and closes her eyes, content to sleep for the rest of the car ride.

* * *

They end up arriving at the Charleston port around 6 pm and scramble to get out so they don't miss departure. Although the boarding is hectic, Devi rushes to her room as soon as she can, collapsing on her bed. She hears a _ding_ from her phone and ignores it. Ally had made a group chat with the six of them in the car, another small reminder that Devi would have to spend a lot more time with the boys than she had originally planned to. Specifically, one boy. She hears another _ding_ and groans, pulling her phone into her line of sight.

 **ally** : they're doing a nighttime smores thing at 8. you guys wanna unpack and meet then?

 **adrian:** sure

Devi goes to her Clock app and sets a timer for an hour, prepared to nap for as long as she can.

She jerks awake to her timer ringing and glances at her phone, checking the time. 7:47 pm. _Shit_ , she thinks. Normally, she'd text Ally and Ciara to see what they're wearing, plan outfits and hair and makeup, but she didn't have the time for that right now. She just had to hope they would go casual for this s'mores thing. She pulls on a pair of leggings and throws on a white sorority tank top which she was pretty sure was Ally's. Devi examines herself in the mirror, fixing her hair a little, before grabbing her key and running out the door.

On deck, she searches through the throng of people for Ally and Ciara. Spying them sitting next to the boys, she makes her way over. As she gets closer, she realizes Ciara is wearing a sundress and Ally is wearing a strapless romper. _Fuck_. She had totally underestimated the level of fanciness s' mores would require.

"Hey guys," she says, albeit a little nervously.

Ally smiles back at her, leaning into Josh. "Hey, Devi. Cute outfit. Is that my tank top?"

Devi shrugs, trying to act like she planned to look like a bum. "It's just s' mores. And yeah, it is. I'm not sure how or why I still have it."

Ally laughs. "It's all good. You just-you look like you just woke up."

Devi tries to keep her temper in check. Her friend was just joking with her. "I _didn't_. I just didn't think we were gonna dress up for something as small as this."

Something crosses Ally's gaze but Devi looks away from her, searching for something else to stare at. Finding blue eyes, she gazes into them, noting a hint of admiration hidden there.

"Well," Josh says, standing up. "Let's get to it, shall we? I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for some s'mores."

The remaining five follow Josh to one of the fire pits on deck, with a few wicker love seats surrounding it. Devi immediately internally groans at the seating arrangement but perks up a tad at the sight of chocolate and marshmallows. She grabs a marshmallow and a stick, perching on one of the love seats. She tries not to notice as Ally and Josh sink into one, and Ciara hesitantly sits down in one next to Adrian. Before she can process this farther, her vision is disturbed by grey shorts, and she looks up. Ben is standing there, holding chocolate and graham crackers, still wearing his sweatshirt and shorts from the car ride. It makes her feel a little better.

"You're doing it wrong," he says matter-of-factly.

"What?" Devi questions, already annoyed.

He sits down next to her, bare knee brushing her covered one slightly. She ignores how she suddenly feels hyperaware of his touch, instead focusing on her marshmallow. "You're doing it wrong. You're supposed to melt the chocolate first, then use its heat to melt the marshmallow."

Devi stares back at him, blankly. "Literally no one in the history of s' mores has ever made s' mores that way. It's always marshmallow first."

Ben shakes his head. "No. See what you do is you kind of whittle the stick down, so it forms a point," he pauses, demonstrating with his own stick and a knife. "Now, you stab the chocolate, and let it melt with the fire."

Devi stares at him. The flames from the fire lit his eyes up, and she looks into them, almost drowning in the blue-ish orange tints. His eyes looked like the orange sunset outside, hitting the blue water and mixing in almost perfectly, an explosion of complementary colors.

She clears her throat and looks back at the stick. "There's so many sources of error with this plan. Like first of all, the chocolate could fall off into the fire. Then you have burnt chocolate. Or you could make the point too sharp and it could cut through the chocolate and then you have no way to melt the chocolate."

"This is the way _engineers_ make smores, David. Get on board or admit you're not one."

"I would much rather you get _off_ board, Gross. Like, jump off right now. Into the ocean."

Something about Ben made Devi feel like she'd known him for a while like she could banter with him and neither of them could take offense to it. It was refreshing, to tease someone and have them play along with her, instead of quitting the game.

"Ah," Ben says, holding his hand over his heart in a dramatic gesture. "You wound me."

Devi rolls her eyes and grabs a new stick, along with the plastic knife that Ben had used. She begins whittling down the wood to a point. The trick, Devi assumed, was to make the point sharp enough so it pierced the chocolate and held onto it, but not sharp enough to cut through the chocolate. It was a stupid challenge, but it was kinda fun. Devi finished whittling and pierced the chocolate, thinking about how insanely dumb this was. When it didn't break however, she felt a twinge of pride shoot up her back and pointed her stick in Ben's face.

"Woah, woah, woah," he says, leaning away from her. "Easy with the point."

"My point's sharper than your point," Devi quips, pushing it further in his face.

"Can you do two pieces of chocolate though?"

Devi raises her eyebrows, leaning forward to grab another piece of chocolate, and pierces it with her stick. When it doesn't fall or break, she lightly shoves Ben and gestures to the fire, where the chocolate is melting.

"I can't believe you played along with this," Ben says, smiling slightly at her stick.

"Hey. I _have_ to prove my superior intelligence to you. I couldn't waste such a golden opportunity to do so."

Ben leans forward, resting his forearms just above his knees, and Devi mimics his position, melting her chocolate a little more.

Just as he opens his mouth to say something, Adrian cuts him off by addressing the group with a question.

"Isn't it weird they have fires going on this ship? Like, we're in the middle of the ocean."

"Fires can burn anywhere. You just need three crucial ingredients," Devi begins, turning to address Adrian.

Ben looks at Adrian too. "Oxygen, fuel, and heat."

"Oxygen is generally the easiest to find because it's in air. But on planets like"-

"-Venus or Mars, for example, there's a lot less oxygen in the atmosphere, so it'd be harder to start a fire," Ben says, raising his voice a little.

Devi narrows her eyes and speaks louder. "You _also_ need heat. And heat can come from anywhere. Like friction, which is what you create when you strike a match-"

"-Or even lightning. If lightning strikes wood, the atoms which make up wood, which are carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen-"

"-And smaller amounts of other elements, too, of course-"

"-The bonds in the atoms break, in a process called pyrolysis, which releases energy into the atmosphere-"

"And that's how fires burn!" Devi and Ben both exclaim at the same time, whipping their heads around to face each other.

She breathes harshly, not quite sure why this conversation (explanation? fight?) made her heart beat a little faster. Ben was breathing just as hard, and the knowledge confused her.

Adrian coughs from behind them. "Well, um, thank you guys for that explanation. I meant more along the lines of, uh, safety, but I appreciated the depth."

Devi tears her gaze away from Ben to smile at Adrian. Ben looks away from her too, focusing his attention back on the fire. The rest of the group resumes their conversations, but Devi is too bewildered by what had just happened to continue to talk to Ben. She focuses on making the rest of her s'more and takes a bite of it. She nearly closes her eyes but manages not to, drinking in the melted sweetness of the chocolate. _Damn_.

Ben leans a little into her, and she tries not to freeze, tries to act casual. "He was an English major," he murmurs as if it's a secret between them.

Devi doesn't laugh, because that would mean admitting Ben is funny, but she lets her lips quirk upward a little.

Later that night, Ally pulls her aside right before Devi enters her room.

"Look," she begins. "I'm sorry I was being kinda a bitch earlier today. I didn't mean it in that way."

Devi shakes her head. "Girl, it's totally fine. I know what you meant….. and maybe I _had_ just woken up."

She laughs with Ally for a few seconds.

"Let's do something just the three of us tomorrow, yeah? Spa day? I wanna hang out with my girls."

"Sure, yeah. I want to too."

Ally smiles and Devi steps into her room, feeling a little better about the day.


	2. that look that's perfectly un-sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i'm starting to like this idea better as i write more for them and i enjoyed writing this chapter even tho it was ~a wild ride~,, so i hope you all enjoy reading it!
> 
> book quotes and song lyrics are not mine ofc!  
> chapter title from heat waves by glass animals

Devi gets up the next morning and trudges to her small window, looking out of it. Ally had gotten rooms for them all in the same hallway, and they were a little higher up on the ship, so she had a magnificent view of the ocean. The waves were crashing softly as the ship sailed further, and Devi found herself thinking about how lucky she was to be here right now. She needed to take advantage of these next few days while she could. With that newfound resolution, she brushed her teeth and quickly showered, changing into a cotton t-shirt and shorts. She picked up her phone to see a bunch of unread messages.

 **ally:** want to meet around 10 today at the spa? i scheduled us for massages and facials

 **ciara:** yes lets do it

 **ally:** it should take a few hours so i was thinking after we can grab lunch and then go swimming w the guys

 **ciara:** oooh yes im excited

 **ally:** excited to see adrian or for our spa day?

 **ciara:** shut up. to hang with you guys obvi

 **ally:** loll whatever you say. just make sure to pack for the whole day

Devi grabs a bag and throws her swimsuit into it (a yellow bikini which she'd never worn before), a swim coverup, and her water bottle. On second thought, she throws her wallet and room key in it too, and runs out the door to meet her friends.

Arriving at the spa, she finds Ally and Ciara quickly, and they go inside to get their separate massages. This is the first massage that Devi's had, and she finds that she _loves_ it. It was so relaxing and coming out after, she felt like she was floating a little above her body. So maybe that's why she prompts a conversation she probably shouldn't have started with her girls as they sit with cucumbers and green goop on their faces.

"Ally, why do I feel like you and Josh planned this cruise as a double date thing?" Devi mumbles, laying on her back with her eyes closed.

"Do you _want_ it to be a double date?" Ally says, humor evident in her tone.

Devi wishes she wasn't in the middle of a facial so she could pin a glare at her friend.

"I don't _want_ it to, obviously. But it feels that way a little because we are two straight girls on a cruise with two straight guys who are accompanying a straight couple."

Ally sounds a little apologetic. "You're right, Devi. Look, I'm sorry you've been kinda stuck with Ben because he's really annoying sometimes. I honestly didn't plan for us to break off into little couples this way. I promise we can do more group things from now onwards."

"But can I just say that aside from the car conversation, you guys seem to have a vibe," Ciara chimes in.

Devi narrows her eyes under her cucumber slices. "What kind of vibe? A _you and Adrian_ vibe?"

It's clear Ciara is blushing from the tone of her voice. "What does that mean?"

"Oh my god, C. Cut the crap, we can all tell you're basically in love with him," Ally says.

"I'm sorry, okay? He's just literally everything I've been looking for. We get each other so well," Ciara exclaims, sounding a little defensive.

"Same with me and Ben," Devi deadpans. It couldn't have been farther from the truth, obviously, but Devi realized she was being a little hard on her friends. The whole point of this cruise for them to unwind. She needed to calm down and just let them and herself have a good time.

"Look, guys, I'm not tryna be a dick about this whole thing. I just want to spend time with you two. But I don't mind spending time with the group either, if that's what you guys want."

"Of course. This cruise is for all of us to just relax and unwind. You don't have to talk to Ben if you don't want, Devi. I just want you guys to be happy," Ally responds, soothingly.

"You guys make me happy," Ciara says, confidently. 

After the facial and her talk with her girls, Devi feels a little calmer and set on the idea of making the most of the trip, even if it meant she had to put up with Ben's antics. She changes into her bikini and throws on her coverup, walking with Ally and Ciara out to the deck.

"Oh, I see the boys!" Ally says to them, waving at the rest of the group. "They're gonna meet us for lunch and then we're gonna go swimming."

"I'm glad we're eating soon. I'm starving," Ciara whines, fiddling with her sunglasses.

Devi tilts her head, weighing the pros and cons of this situation. "I'm actually gonna take a dip real quick. I'll find you guys after."

Ally waves at her and Devi turns to walk towards the pool, setting her bag and coverup on a nearby empty chair. She dives into the water, sinking to the bottom for a little before coming back up, letting her hair fall back. Devi loved swimming for this reason; it made her feel refreshed. And after a massage and facial, she couldn't help but cherish the feel of the cold water against her warm, slightly oily skin. She leans her head against the concrete side of the pool for a little, letting her legs dangle out in front of her. There were only a few others in the pool, which Devi found odd since it was midday but she didn't think on it further, content to be in her thoughts for a little.

Deciding she'd been in the pool long enough, she waded to the side, focusing on walking up the numerous steps without tripping, since they were made of rough concrete. She hadn't noticed them before because she had just jumped in from the other side, but Devi wasn't in the mood to deal with breaking her head open right now. Once she finally makes it up the stairs, she's still looking down and she runs into a body, warm and soft, before tripping backward and nearly slipping into the pool. Luckily, she feels an arm around her waist and is pulled back into the person, her stomach lightly brushing theirs.

"Oh!" she exclaims, grabbing onto the bicep ( _which was very defined_ , she noted) of the person, managing to look up.

 _Blue_. The brightest blue she'd ever seen in her whole life. She knew immediately who this was.

Ben smirks at her, but the expression in his eyes is softer, gentler, almost concerned. "Hello, David."

Devi tries not to think about exactly where his skin is touching hers, but that thought works against her in a form of reverse psychology that she should've expected. His arm against her waist, strong and sure, and his bare stomach against hers, the touch light but slightly dizzying. She knows she's getting him wet, because she can feel the water droplets falling off her hair and onto his arm, but neither of them moves for a few seconds longer than necessary and she's not sure why. She shakes herself out of it and tightens her grip on his bicep, using it to push herself away from him.

"Ben," she grumbles, walking over to grab her swim coverup and throw it over herself. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, by _here_ if you mean this cruise, I paid for it so I think I have the right to be here. But if by here you mean the pool……Ally asked me to come get you so we can have lunch," he says, following her.

What Devi really wanted to ask was why he wasn't wearing a shirt if he wasn't coming over here to swim but she wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer to that.

"I don't want lunch. I mean, I kinda want to keep swimming."

Ben raises an eyebrow. "You weren't swimming. By the looks of it, you were just helplessly floating in the water."

Devi feels a tad thrown off base. _Had he been watching her? Why hadn't he warned her about the weird stairs? Why was he even watching her?_

"Why were you creeping on me, Gross?"

"Don't flatter yourself. I was just doing what I was sent over here to do. It was amusing to watch you walk up those stairs though. I've never seen anyone other than old people concentrate that hard to climb some stairs."

"Why the _hell_ would you design the stairs so that there's like 500 of them? That _clearly_ is a violation of safety, not to mention disconcerting. There are kids on this cruise," Devi insists, slinging her bag over her arm. There were no kids in sight at the moment, but that was besides the point.

"Exactly why you shouldn't be using words like heaven and its southern counterpart. Now, come on. I'm hungry and I do not want you to scare any more kids with your colorful language."

They walk over to the rest of the group, joining them for lunch. Devi spends a good portion of lunch talking to Adrian with Ciara, and she finds she enjoys talking to him. He was a sweet guy, albeit a little slow at times, but he recounted a bunch of funny college stories about Josh and Ben that she laughed way too hard at. Devi could see why her friend liked him.

After a quick lunch, Ally leads them back to the pool, and Devi finds Ben putting his stuff on a pool chair right next to hers. She is tempted to question him about it but decides to just relax and focus on herself. She had just put her sunglasses on and taken her coverup off, leaning back on the pool chair to tan when she hears a splash and a cry to her right.

She looks over to find Ben yelling at Adrian, trying to dry the pages of a book with his towel.

"What happened?" she questions, telling herself she's uninterested in the answer.

"Adrian splashed my book because he was trying to be funny. This is a _signed_ copy of The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Do you know much this cost?" Ben sounds incredulous, continuing to blot the pages of his book. It kinda reminds Devi of a little boy whose favorite football just deflated.

"Why are you even reading The Road? That is like, the saddest book ever written. Aren't you supposed to be on vacation, enjoying life and being happy?" Devi's not quite sure why she suddenly cares about his happiness, or even about him.

"On the contrary, I find the last paragraph itself to be an incredibly inspiring piece of literature. The whole book is about sadness and death and then the end is a positive outlook on the world. It's about finding happiness in the grimmest aspects of human life."

Devi pushes her sunglasses into her hair. "I mean, the recurring motifs of ash and dust representing their post-apocalyptic world definitely do not make anyone happy. But I don't remember the last paragraph too well. It can't be _that_ life-changing that it suddenly makes you feel good after reading 200 pages of sadness."

"Okay, but _it is._ Wait, lemme read it to you," Ben flips through his still slightly damp book, separating the pages with his fingers. "'Once there were brook trout in the streams in the mountains. You could see them standing in the amber current where the white edges of their fins wimpled softly in the flow. They smelled of moss in your hand. Polished and muscular and torsional. On their backs were vermiculate patterns that were maps of the world in its becoming. Maps and mazes. Of a thing which could not be put back. Not be made right again. In the deep glens where they lived all things were older than man and they hummed of mystery.'"

Devi finds herself pulled into the timbre of his voice, deep and steady, like the water of a river rushing up against a bank. For a second, she is lost, mystified, as if he cast a spell on her with just his words. She feels content to just sit here and listen to him talk, read to her, for a lot longer.

She's pulled out of her daydream by Ben closing the book with a snap and looking up at her. "I'm convinced that's the most perfect ending to a book possible."

"What about Heart of Darkness?" She struggles to look up a pdf on her phone. "The premise of the book isn't too similar to The Road but it's similar enough for the last paragraph to be comparable. Okay, here it is.'The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed sombre under an overcast sky – seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness.'"

Ben shakes his head. "It's not elaborate enough. I mean, at the end of my book, he paints a picture so clear you can see it in your head. You feel exactly what he's feeling. It's a new beginning. In yours, it's just, uh, darkness."

"That's cause it brings it full circle, Ben. It's an _allegory_ to the concept of evil. It's genius if you think about the way the author describes civilized society just as evil as uncivilized society. If not more."

"Obviously, yes, it does come full circle, but if we are speaking in terms of the effect that the final few sentences have on the whole book, I still think my book wins. It's a story of sadness and dread and reluctant perseverance wrapped up with a vivid description of hope and love. It's the simplest form of a happy ending you can find."

Instead of snapping at Ben that _he_ didn't write the damn book, Devi decides to counter instead. "It's way too long to be simple. You want a simple happy ending? How about March by Geraldine Brooks? She writes 'for an instant, everything was bathed in radiance.' It's a lot simpler and still has the same effect as the whole paragraph you mentioned."

"Okay, that's way too basic. It still needs to have some substance. Like from The Grapes of Wrath. 'She looked up and across the barn, and her lips came together and smiled mysteriously.' See? It has substance because he's not _explicitly_ describing sunshine and happiness. Instead, he hints at a happy ending adequately enough so that the reader is satisfied, but subtly enough that there's still a sense of unknown at the end."

Devi felt as though they could go on like this for a while longer, but she was on this cruise to tan and relax, not debate the triumphs of literature with Ben. She'd have plenty of chances to prove her intelligence later.

"You're such a nerd, Gross." Devi puts her sunglasses back on, and leans back, but not before she notices Ben looking at her with a hint of a smile on his face.

* * *

They spend most of the day at the pool, tanning on pool chairs (in Devi's case), reading depressing books (in Ben's case), and splashing around in the water (in everyone else's case). Eventually, Adrian and Ciara propose karaoke after a fancy dinner with drinks, which Devi thinks sounds like a good idea considering the fact that it's been a long day. She's not the best at singing, but she could hit a few notes if that's what the situation called for, so she resolves to make the most of it.

As she stands in the shower, she contemplates the cruise so far. Okay, the car ride next to Ben was bad, but it could've been worse. He brought up his money a weird amount, in the few conversations she'd had with him, and at the beginning, it had annoyed Devi. It still annoyed her, but she could see why he was upset earlier at the pool. If she had a $250 signed copy of a book (she _might've_ looked up the price after their conversation), she would want to take care of it, too. What she couldn't get out of her head, oddly enough, was his stupid Young Republicans sweatshirt. He might be a somewhat good looking person, who was also intelligent, but him supporting the president was a major turn-off. So yeah, every time she started to think he wasn't so bad, she'd just remind herself he was a stuck up piece of Republican shit and it made her feel better.

Devi finishes her shower and changes into a strappy red dress she had been saving for a special occasion. She hardly thought that dinner on a cruise would constitute as one, but she figured there were only 5 people here who knew her, 3 of whom she'd probably never see again, so she wasn't really wasting the dress. She throws on some sandals, does her eye makeup, and walks out the door.

She runs into Ciara, Ally, and Josh in the hallway, who were also dressed nice for dinner. She breathes an internal sigh of relief.

"Hey guys," she says, walking up to them.

"Hey Devi!" Josh replies. "So, listen, we're gonna grab some food and then do this karaoke thing. Even if we don't sing, it'll be fun to watch others try."

Devi shrugs. "That works for me."

"We're just waiting on Adrian and Ben," Ciara continues. "Oh wait, there they are!"

Devi turns to look in the direction of Ciara's gaze and spies Ben walking up to them. She scans him head to toe, discreetly, and feels her breath momentarily whisk out of her body. He's wearing a button-down tucked into khakis, rolling his sleeves up as he walks towards Devi, and she finds it a _lot_ more attractive than she should.

Ben nods at Josh, then turns his gaze to Devi, and suddenly she feels like she's being taken apart by his gaze. He drags his eyes down her body, not even bothering to hide the way he's looking at her, and she watches his eyes darken, the sky blue molting into sapphire. Devi tries not to squirm, and clears her throat, causing his eyes to jump to hers.

The rest of the group walks ahead, but Devi barely registers Ciara's arm holding her back until she shoves her a little.

"Ow, C," Devi says, rubbing her side. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Ciara begins softly. "Just wanted to walk with you to dinner."

Devi turns to her, smiling. "What are you planning to get?"

Ciara looks ahead at the group, which is more than ten feet away from them now, and suddenly pulls Devi closer to her.

"You look really good in that dress, girl. You look hot," she says, starting to walk with her.

"Thanks, C. You look good, too."

"It seems like I wasn't the only one who thought that." Ciara waggles her eyebrows at Devi.

"Oh my god, shut up. Stop."

"I'm just saying. He looked you up and down. _Up and down._ "

"No way. Ben's gross." Devi smiles a little, proud of her pun.

Ciara rolls her eyes. "Okay. Anyway, apparently we are going to this really fancy Italian place. I have no idea what to order."

"I dunno either. I order fettucini alfredo with chicken every time I go to an Italian place."

"I _know_. And then you make me share it with you."

"Because it's good. Besides, I don't _make_ you do anything. You stick your little fork in my plate and scoop it up."

Ciara laughs. "In your dreams. Just make sure to sit next to me so we can share it again."

Catching up with the rest of the group, they take their seats in the Italian restaurant. Ciara was right, it _did_ look pretty fancy with its carpeted floors, mood lighting, and the bottle of wine that sat in the middle of the table when they arrived. Devi takes her seat next to Ciara, as Ally and Josh sit down next to each other. She smiles tightly at Josh, who's sitting across from her. He waves back, stretching an arm across the back of Ally's chair. Just as Devi starts to think about where Ben's going to sit, she feels movement on her right side and turns to meet his eyes.

"David," he states, pulling his chair in.

She ignores him and looks over the menu, scanning the prices. They weren't low by any means, which Devi should have expected. She sighs and orders her usual fettucini alfredo, finding it to be one of the cheaper options on the menu. Josh pours them all glasses of wine soon after. Devi sips on hers while leaning in towards Ciara and Adrian, who were discussing famous piano composers and their best pieces. She talks with them for a little until they get their food, which effectively hushes the table as everyone savors their meals. As expected, Ciara turns to Devi with her fork, staring at her plate until Devi pushes it over to her so she can take some of it. The dinner goes as well as can be expected, and Devi finds herself unwinding as she drinks a few more glasses of wine and eats her pasta.

Their waiter comes back for dessert orders and Devi turns to Ciara.

"C, do you want to split some tiramisu with me? I want some but it's kinda expensive here," she murmurs, leaning towards her friend.

"I don't know, Devi. I'm kinda full from eating my food and some of your pasta too," Ciara responds.

" _Please?_ If you have any extra, you can take it to-go and eat it later," Devi pushes.

Ciara shakes her head. "I don't think I'd eat it later, to be honest."

Devi sinks back into her seat, a little deflated, thinking about whether or not to splurge on the dessert.

"Just get the tiramisu, David," Ben says, from her right after a few minutes.

She whips her head around to face him, instantly cautious. "How did you know I wanted it?"

"The way you're biting your lip and staring at the picture, for one. And two, you're not the best whisperer."

Devi pushes her tongue into the side of her mouth. "Well, I just realized I'm pretty stuffed. So, I don't think I want it _anymore_." In all honesty, it was too much for her to afford by herself. She could already see Nalini yelling at her for buying a $20 dessert.

Ben shrugs, taking a sip of his wine. "Suit yourself."

She narrows her eyes and turns to Josh and Adrian, pretending to listen to them argue about basketball teams. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Ben motion for the waiter and say something into their ear, but she doesn't think that much of it. At least, not until five minutes later, when a plate of tiramisu is placed in front of her.

She turns to Ben indignantly. "What is _this_?"

He looks scared and amused at the same time. She would prefer more of the former. "It's tiramisu."

"I don't want the tiramisu you bought with your daddy's money. You can have it," Devi hisses, attempting to shove the plate to him.

Ben leans forward, placing his hand on hers. His grip tightens on her wrist as he effectively stops the plate's forward motion. Devi finds herself suddenly struggling to breathe as his fingers rest against her pulse point, gentle yet firm. He sighs a little, looking tired.

"Look, it's not a big deal. You clearly wanted it so I bought it for you. We can share it if that makes you feel better."

Devi would've protested if she was more sober, or more energetic, but she wasn't. And something about the way he was holding her wrist enthralled her and confused her at the same time, so she reluctantly backed down.

" _Fine_ ," she bites back, letting go of the plate. "We'll share it."

Ben looks too happy at her declaration, grabbing his fork and leaning towards the plate. Devi resists the urge to pinch herself for relenting, and cuts a little of the tiramisu off with her fork, placing it in her mouth. She involuntarily closes her eyes, relishing the sweet flavors of chocolate, coffee, and mascarpone cream for a few seconds. She opens her eyes to find Ben staring at her, something like fondness evident in his eyes.

"You know," Ben says softly, cutting another piece of the cake off. "The last person I shared tiramisu with was John McEnroe."

Devi freezes with her fork in her mouth, staring back at him with wide eyes. She hurriedly swallows.

"John McEnroe? Like the-the tennis player?

Ben leans forward onto the table, just a few inches away from her now. "Yeah. He's one of my dad's clients. I had dinner with him once, and we shared a piece of tiramisu. "

"What the _hell_ does your dad do?"

Ben rubs the back of his neck, looking almost embarrassed to answer the question. "He's a-uh, entertainment attorney, so he mainly works with music and media clients. But Mr. McEnroe specifically requested my dad to back him up for some case where he apparently hit a tennis ball at Don Henley on purpose."

Devi struggles to speak. "Don Henley? From-from the—"

"The Eagles, yeah."

She cuts off another piece of their rapidly disappearing tiramisu.

"Oh my god. So your daddy _does_ have money."

Ben chuckles. "I guess. But I mean, there are definitely trade-offs," he says, gazing at his wine glass a little wistfully.

Devi is just wondering what kind of trade-offs there would be to have an insanely rich dad when Ben gestures back to the cake.

"But yeah, you're having tiramisu with someone who did the same thing with John McEnroe. So in a way, it's like you're having tiramisu with John McEnroe."

Devi wants to say that it's not like that _at all_ because that's not how it works, but she finds she can't express that as suddenly hit with memories of her dad. Her dad, cheering on John McEnroe's matches as long as she can remember. Her dad, telling her to stand up for herself like the tennis player did to the umpire. Her dad, playing ping pong with her in the first few months of high school. Whenever these memories come to her, they're strong and unstoppable. Even after the years of therapy, Devi can never really predict when she's going to think of Mohan, which she supposes is what sucks about grief.

She realizes she must have a faraway look on her face because Ben lightly bumps her shoulder with his. "Hey, you there?"

Devi blinks herself out of her thoughts. "Yeah, sorry. It's just, um, my dad's like a huge fan of him."

"You serious? I'm not really into tennis but I could ask my dad to pull a few strings so your dad could meet him if you wanted. He kinda owes my dad big time."

She wants to ask why he's just offering this to her, if he does this to everyone he meets who says they're McEnroe fans, why he's suddenly being nice to her, and just about a million other questions. Maybe it was her fault for using present tense. She does that sometimes, on accident. Devi clears her throat instead, choosing her next words carefully.

"Um, well, that's really nice of you, for real. But, um, my dad passed away when I was in high school. I'm sure he would have appreciated the offer a lot, though."

Ben buffers for a fraction of a second, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, but pulls himself together quickly. "Shit, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

Devi wasn't the type to talk about her dad to just anyone, especially not someone she'd just met a day ago, but the blueness of Ben's eyes wraps around her like a soft blanket, making her feel safe and warm. She searches for pity there, but feels relieved she can't find it.

"It's fine," she pauses, pushing her fork around their plate. "He just would always watch the tennis matches with me. And he would tell me that John McEnroe never took any shit from any umpire, and I shouldn't either. Like from anyone who challenged me, not an umpire. And I guess it kinda stuck."

Ben gazes back at her, understanding lining his eyes. "Yeah. I see the parallels. But it's not necessarily a bad thing. I, for one, find it admirable."

Devi finds him smiling gently at her, breathing slowly, and she feels a little more at peace than she did before.

The waiter comes back at that moment with everyone's checks, and Devi feels the newfound peace leech out of her as she stares at her check, which does _not_ display the tiramisu.

She rounds on Ben. "Why didn't you split the dessert with me?"

Ben looks the slightest bit confused. "Well, I bought it for _you_ , but then you insisted on sharing it _with_ me. By the way, I think we need to redefine the term sharing. Because I had, like, two bites of that while you had a good ten."

"That's not the point. The point is you need to let me pay for my half of it."

Ben crosses his arms. "No."

Devi splutters. " _No_? Excuse me?"

"Me buying something for you means that no matter how much of it you eat, _I_ pay for it. That's how it works."

"I don't remember asking you to buy it for me, though."

He ignores her to sign his check and hand it back to the waiter.

" _Hello?_ Ben?" she tries again, swatting his arm. But he's already taking a sip of his wine, pretending to be overly interested in the fabric of the tablecloth.

She rolls her eyes and leans towards him. "You're such a rich asshole," she whispers, indignantly.

He doesn't say anything back, but she can see him grinning at the tablecloth.

Josh claps his hands together loudly, and Devi jerks away from Ben to look at him and Ally, who is smiling at her smugly.

"Okay, guys. You wanna head out? It's almost"- he pauses to check his watch -"9 and karaoke should be starting soon," Josh declares.

They all nod, getting up and walking over to the karaoke room, which was relatively close to the restaurant. As soon as Devi enters the room, she finds she can appreciate the atmosphere. There are bar stools perched around a bunch of different tables, and small lanterns everywhere, giving the room a subtle yellow glow. There were already a lot of people sitting down, and by the looks of it, most of them looked about the same age as Devi. There was also a good-sized stage at the front of the room, where a middle-aged man was standing, holding a mic. Just as they take their seats, he begins talking.

"Hello everyone and welcome to Carnival's Adults-Only Karaoke Night! I'm Matt, your MC for this evening. How's everyone doing tonight?"

The crowd cheers as a few waiters walk around, offering drinks to everyone. Devi pays for two beers, reluctantly holding one out to Ben, who's sitting in front of her. He takes it, smirking back at her.

Matt is a great MC, funny and charismatic, and the crowd is lively, so the night passes quickly. People sing all the usual karaoke songs, including Sweet Caroline, Margaritaville, and My Heart Will Go On. Ally and Josh go up and perform a slightly tipsy duet of Endless Love, which although slightly rough, is still adorable. The rest of the group cheers loudly for them, and Devi finds that this is a lot of _fun_. As in, a lot more than she was expecting.

"Okay, just a few more songs, and then we're gonna wrap up the night. This next one is only for the most daring of folks." Matt pauses dramatically. Can I get a few people to come up here and do the song Super Bass? I _know_ some of you ladies know it from your teenage years," he calls confidently, looking around the room.

Ally and Ciara immediately turn on Devi with matching smiles and she knows why. There _might've_ been a frat party in college which she had gotten very drunk at and rapped Super Bass on top of a table while the brothers cheered her on. It wasn't one of her best decisions, but at the moment, it had been a great time. She's sure Ally still has a few videos of the rendition, but she doesn't want to repeat it. _At all_.

"Devi can rap all of that song," Ally says to the table, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Wait, really?" Josh turns to look at her, suddenly interested.

"That would be funny. You should go up there," Adrian chimes in.

Devi glowers at Ally. "That was _not_ supposed to be something you spread," she says, tightly.

"Come on, Devi. Just once," Ally says back.

"I wanna see David rap," Ben says, eyes shining at her.

Devi looks around the rest of the table, trying to find someone to support her, but everyone is looking at her expectantly.

Ciara looks at her, then at the stage. "Hey Matt!" she calls, pointing at Devi. "Our friend over here is gonna do it."

The whole table starts pointing at her, yelling to get Matt's attention, and Devi tries to sink down in her chair before realizing it doesn't have a back. Instead, she just hunches over before she hears a booming voice through the mic.

"Young lady in the red! Come on up here!" Matt bellows.

Devi just shakes her head and hunches farther down, but Ciara rolls her eyes and grabs her hand, dragging her up to the stage, ignoring her pleas. She pushes her up the stairs, before climbing up after her.

"I'm gonna do the chorus," Ciara whispers to her. "So you just have to do the rap." Before Devi can protest that the rap is _most_ of the song, she is shoved onto the stage and she blinks rapidly, trying to adjust to the influx of light. She can see the crowd, and it looks a lot bigger now that she's in front of it. Matt walks over to her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Okay, here we have two beautiful young ladies who are gonna sing this song for us right now. Let's let them introduce themselves. What are your names and where are you from?" Matt asks, pointing the mic at them.

"Um, I'm Devi, and uh, I'm from the San Fernando Valley. California," Devi says, cursing herself for the lack of strength in her voice.

Ciara leans over her to speak into the mic. "And I'm Ciara, and I'm from Charlotte, North Carolina."

"Well, it's great to meet you. So, how do you two know each other?"

"Uh, well, we were college roommates and we're best friends." Devi attempts to redeem herself.

"Ooooo, college graduates. Love it, love it. Where did you guys go to college?"

"Princeton," Ciara chirps, and Devi hears a few _oohs_ from the crowd.

"Okay, well, that's amazing. You two seem smart, so I trust you have this under control. I'm gonna let these ladies take it away," Matt announces, handing Ciara a mic.

Devi pauses for a few seconds, looking out into the crowd waiting for the music to start. She realizes she needs to commit sooner or later because there's no way she could keep up with Nicki if she didn't. She breathes out, telling herself she _is_ tipsy enough for this, as the first few seconds of the song starts to play.

"This one is for the boys with the booming system. Top down, AC with the cooler system," she begins shakily, glancing at Ciara. She smiles at her, and Devi keeps going, grateful for her support.

"When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up, got stacks on deck like he savin' up. And he ill, he real, he might gotta deal. He pop bottles and he got the right kind of build. He cold, he dope, he might sell coke. He always in the air, but he never fly coach," Devi says, cursing her luck.

The crowd starts cheering, and Devi flounders for a few seconds, losing her spot. Ciara joins in, continuing for her, before Devi picks up the end of the first verse.

"Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the eff I is. I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up," she finishes, committing to her inevitable embarrassment at this point.

Ciara sings the chorus, perfect as always, and Devi takes a breath to look around the room. She glances at her table, where Ally has her phone out recording the whole thing and Adrian and Josh are cheering them on, fists pumping in the air. Devi locks eyes with Ben, who's smiling at her with the biggest smile she's seen in her entire life. She finds she can't look away from his smile, no matter how hard she tries, so she brings her mic to her mouth to begin her next verse.

"This one is for the boys in the Polos," she starts, still staring at Ben. She keeps rapping, managing to tear her gaze away from Ben when Nicki gets to the part about how nice the guy's eyes are.

Ciara starts the chorus again, this time facing Devi and swaying a little with the music. Devi joins her, trying to forget the fact that she's singing about how good a guy's ass looks. She sings along with her friend, smiling at how they got themselves into _this_ mortifying of a situation, and the song ends quicker than she expected.

There is so much applause from the audience that Devi almost takes a step back when she finishes the song. Ciara hugs her quickly and turns to wave at the crowd, which just makes them scream louder. Matt runs over to take Ciara's mic from her and he has to shout into his mic to be heard.

"That was an amazing performance from those two young ladies!" Matt declares, putting his arm around Devi's shoulder again. "Now, we are gonna wrap it up with one last song. This one is a classic. I need someone to join Devi to sing Africa".

Devi looks to her side to find Ciara gone, and she scans the crowd to find her. She finds her pausing on her way back to the table, and she smiles enthusiastically and gives Devi a thumbs up. Devi's eyes widen as she sees a flurry of movement from their table, and Ben striding up to the front of the stage, climbing the steps quickly.

"Well, it looks like this young man will be joining Devi. What's your name, son?" Matt asks, pointing the mic in Ben's direction.

"Hi, um, I'm Ben," he begins, pausing when a few whispers ripple through the crowd.

"Okay, Ben, nice to meet you. Tell us about yourself, briefly."

"Uh, right. Well, I am actually also from the San Fernando Valley, and I went to, uh, Yale."

Devi swivels her head around to stare at Ben. _He was from L.A. too? The exact same place as her?_

"That's great, that's great. So here, I'll let you two take it over from here," Matt says, handing his mic over to him.

Before the music begins, Devi leans over to Ben, making sure to angle the mic away from her so the sound didn't carry. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

He leans back towards her a little. "I'm _helping_ you. You looked like you were gonna pass out up here by yourself."

"I don't want _your_ help," she hisses.

"You might not want it, but you need it. Your rap was weak," he says to her, matter-of-factly.

"No, it was _not_. It was good, if the way people were cheering means anything."

Ben looks like he wants to say something else, but the music starts and he snaps his mouth shut. Devi watches, glowering slightly, as he begins to step side to side with the opening notes.

"I hear the drums echoing tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation," he begins, still doing his stupid two-step.

Devi's eyes widen as he continues singing, because he's well, good, _really good_ even. And if the way the audience is cheering is any indication, she isn't the only one who realizes it. She doesn't have time to think about this further, because he turns to her expectantly.

"I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies. He turned to me as if to say, 'Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you,'" Devi sings, turning to fully face Ben.

He steps closer to her as they both start the chorus in a moment that is way too High School Musical for Devi's taste. "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do. I bless the rains down in Africa, gonna take some time to do the things we never had."

She gazes into Ben's eyes and thinks about just how much this isn't helping her think Ben is a pain in the ass as he continues singing. She lets him sing the chorus too because it's pretty obvious he's better than her but joins in after the instrumental break with her favorite part.

"Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you."

Ben smiles again, his thousand-watt smile, and Devi finds that the closer she gets to it, the stronger it is. Her cheeks suddenly feel very warm and peering at Ben, she can see pink flushing up his neck as they finish out the chorus. The song ends but Devi feels like time has slowed down without telling her because as Matt walks over to grab the mic and say a few more words, all Devi can do is stare at the side of Ben's face as they walk down the stairs. As soon as they do, a bunch of girls rush up to him, raving about his singing, but she just keeps trudging back to their table, leaving him behind.

"Oh my gosh, _Devi!_ " Ally squeals, hugging her. "You did so well!"

Ciara hugs her too. "You killed it. And you and Ben looked so cute up there," she whispers in her ear.

Devi struggles to smile back, not a fan of the feeling currently thrumming in her veins. It wasn't _jealousy_ -no, because Ben and her were nothing, really. They were just barely friends and they certainly weren't anything more, no matter how much her friends tried to push it on her, so it didn't matter to her that people, _girls_ , were all over him. _It didn't_.

So, then, why was she feeling this way?

* * *

The six of them walk back to their rooms with relatively no chatter, worn out from the day. Devi bids goodnight to everyone and enters her room, shutting the door and sitting down heavily on her bed. She finds her Venmo app and pays Ben back, sending the message 'do not EVER pay for me again' with an angry emoji. She changes out of her dress, and does her nighttime routine, taking her time washing her face clean. She has just settled under her covers when her phone chimes.

 **ben** : Saw your Venmo message.

 **ben** : You don't scare me, David :)

Devi groans and closes her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos make me smile so pls leave them if you liked this :))))


	3. maybe this is wishful thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've been dealing with a bunch of self deprecating thoughts lately as stuff has been going on in my personal life and that made this chapter that much harder to write. usually i use writing as an escape but not feeling like im good enough to even write fanfics ab a fictional couple is, argh, hard. im gonna try to finish the rest of this fic at a faster pace but if it doesnt happen then it doesnt. anywho thats enough of me and my emotions for now
> 
> i did want to note that i go into a discussion of the history of the bahamas and i used the internet for the facts. if any of them are incorrect pls let me know 
> 
> chapter title is from back to december by tswift bc im going thru a Phase

The next morning Devi wakes up around 10 am to find their ship docked in the Bahamas, having arrived there overnight. Unfortunately for her, there were overcast, gloomy skies with a light drizzle already falling. She audibly grumbles even though no one can hear her, and digs her way under covers once again. Her phone rings, and she flips it over and lifts one eye from the pillow to glance at the caller ID.

"Hey, C," she mumbles.

"Devi! Okay, I kinda have something to tell you," Ciara says, sounding nervous over the phone.

"You realize you're probably like ten feet away from me right now, right? "

"Yes, I do." She pauses. " _Fine_ , I guess I'll just tell you in person later. Anyway, Ally wants us all to go see Hairspray but I feel like the boys don't want to."

"Yeah, I don't think they'd want to. But I wanna see Hairspray. Plus, it's raining so I don't think we could do anything on the island anyway."

"Me neither, but there are so many people who already got off the ship and are trying to see the island. I think it's gonna clear up later though, so we should just wait for that."

"I'm good with that. When's the show?"

"It's at 1 but I think we should grab food before. You wanna go with me and Adrian? I think Ally and Josh are kinda-yeah, you know."

Devi groans, hating the fact that she's about to ask her next question. "What about Ben?"

"What _about_ Ben?" Ciara bounces back, sounding smug.

"I mean, like, is he coming too? I wouldn't wanna leave someone as lonely as him by himself. Did you know he was reading The Road yesterday? That's like the saddest book ever written. This is for his own good, you know." She cuts off her rambling before it can get even more telling.

"I didn't know you cared about his good. But yeah, sure, he can get food with us." Ciara laughs a little, and Devi stuffs her head further under her pillow. "You have to text him, though."

She hangs up and Devi punches her pillow. After wallowing in her luck for a few minutes, she gets up and fires off a quick text to Ben, resolving to be as short as possible.

 **devi** : gross. brunch at 11:30. c & adrian are coming too

He responds almost immediately, which she's not sure if she's impressed by or not.

 **ben** : This feels like less of an invitation and more of an order.

 **devi** : it's the second one for sure

 **ben** : If I didn't know any better, I'd think you're inviting me out of pity.

 **devi** : obviously. don't want you drowning in your tears in your room when you find out we went without you

 **ben** : I thought you wanted me to drown. I recall you telling me to jump into the ocean just the other day.

 **devi:** just shut up and get ready omg

 **ben:** Aye, aye, Captain.

Devi lets herself smile a little at her screen, noting that this was the first conversation she'd had over text with Ben. Not that she wanted to have more. Because that's _not_ what she wanted.

She runs a brush through her hair and opens her suitcase. She picks out a black crop top tank with lace edges and a multicolor skirt that was just the slightest bit flowy near the end. Putting it on, Devi examines herself in the mirror, resolving that it looked good enough for the day. After doing her makeup and relaxing on her phone for a little, she glances at the clock and realizes she needs to get going. Grabbing her purse, she runs out the room and knocks on Ciara's door.

Ciara opens it looking a tad frazzled and pulls Devi in.

"Oh my god, okay. I can't keep this in any longer," she says.

Devi raises an eyebrow expectantly.

"I slept with Adrian last night."

Devi's not quite sure if she's surprised or not, because she saw this coming, but at the same time, not this soon.

"Woah. Um, okay. How-uh-how do you feel?"

Ciara breaks into a wide smile. "Really good. Like, it was _so_ good. But other than that, I think I like him."

Devi tries to not let her eyes bulge out of her head, and grabs her friend's hand instead.

" _Shit_. Well, what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know," Ciara says back, a little pitifully.

"C, can I be honest with you? I think he definitely likes you too. You should just talk to him about it," Devi says, pulling her friend in for a hug.

Her friend nods and pulls herself together a little, and Devi perches herself on her bed, watching her do her makeup.

Ciara finishes getting ready soon after and they head up to the deck, finding the breakfast buffet easily. Ben and Adrian are already there, dressed in polos and khakis, piling food on their plates. Devi resists the urge to laugh at how eager they looked.

She grabs a plate and places a few pieces of toast and some fruit on it. She looks up to see Ciara glancing wistfully at Adrian standing at the cereal bar. Devi squeezes her hand and gestures with her head in his direction. Ciara squeezes back and nods back shakily, leaving to go up to him. She walks back to their table where Ben is already eating his breakfast.

"Gross," she says, plopping down in front of him, tracking Ciara and Adrian with her eyes.

Ben looks up and smiles. "You know you're the only one who calls me by my last name other than my old golf coach and Vince Vaughn. It's starting to grow on me, to be honest."

Devi cranes her neck around him to look at her friend. "Stop pretending like you know who Vince Vaughn is."

Ben follows her gaze and turns around, then back at her conspiratorially. "Do you know something about those two?"

"I might know something about those two."

He quirks an eyebrow. "Do you know what I know about those two?"

"I might know what you know about those two but I also know that I know something about those two which you might not know."

Ben chuckles and turns around, looking at Ciara and Adrian, who were now kissing.

"They're so adorable," Devi says, sighing a little, turning back to her food.

"I mean, who didn't see it coming? They've been all over each other since the first day," Ben responds, taking a bite of some toast.

"I _know_ right _,_ but like, it was in a cute way."

"Well, now that our friends are all paired up…." Ben trails off, looking at Devi meaningfully.

Devi flounders. _What was he insinuating? Was he insinuating what she thought he was?_

"There's no way anything is ever happening between you and me," Devi says, spearing a piece of watermelon and pointing it at him.

He smirks. "I was just going to say that you should at least admit we're _friends_."

"But we're not," she deadpans.

"I'm _pretty_ sure we are. I mean, we had a heart-to-heart yesterday and we sang Africa together. I think that's more than enough to constitute two people as friends."

Devi rolls her eyes. "Speaking of which, you never told me you were from L.A."

"Born and raised. But, yeah, it just didn't come up, I guess."

"That's crazy. Where'd you go to high school?"

"Um, Berkeley Hall," Ben says, looking a little sheepish.

Devi wrinkles her nose. "Isn't that private?"

"Yeah, it might be. What about you?"

"Sherman Oaks," she says proudly.

Ben looks thoughtful for a few seconds before his eyes clear. "I heard about you! You were the Indian girl who gave that valedictorian speech that went viral."

Her speech _had_ gone viral, but mainly just around California. She'd talked about her dad and bouncing back from grief and a lot more things that a bunch of local news channels found really inspiring. It wasn't something she'd been expecting, but she had been happy to see people liked her words.

"Key word in that sentence, Ben, is _valedictorian_. Not viral. Because if you're already the best, it's not your fault if others find out too," she says, flipping her hair.

Ben cocks his head at her, quizzically, as if he's trying to figure her out. "I was valedictorian, too, you know."

Devi's saved from giving what would probably be a very non-witty remark by Adrian and Ciara sitting down next to them, smiling at each other. As they dote over each other, blushing and mumbling, Devi looks over at Ben with an annoyed expression on her face. He smiles back at her, rolling his eyes.

"So," Adrian asks, finally tearing his eyes away from Ciara. "Not to remind you guys that we have to start working soon, but what are your plans for the rest of the summer?"

"Not much," Devi begins, taking a sip of her coffee. "I'm planning on heading back to the Valley after this cruise, to be with my mom for a few weeks. Then, I'm moving up to Seattle to start working in around a month, so yeah that's about it."

Adrian nods, looking interested. "Where are you working?"

"Bristol Myers Squibb. I'm gonna be a Process Engineer there."

"You're kidding," Ben says, disbelievingly, and Devi feels something in her belly jump a little. "I'm gonna be at their Portland headquarters."

Devi whips her head around to stare at Ben. She felt her heart being twisted slightly for some reason. A feeling of something resembling sadness fought its way into her throat, and she swallowed to try to get rid of it. When it didn't budge, she opened her mouth to respond to Ben.

"Woah, that's, um, pretty cool."

Ciara darts her eyes between the two of them. "Seattle and Portland are only, like, two hours away from each other."

Ben looks at her, eyes laden with what Devi thinks someone would interpret as longing, but she refuses to describe it as such. "Maybe I'll see you around, then."

Devi nods back, trying to fight the unknown emotion rising in her belly. "Maybe."

"So, Ciara, what about you? What are you doing after this?" Ben coughs, directing his attention to her friend.

She looks up from her cereal to eye Ben a tad suspiciously. "I'm working on writing a novel right now, actually, and I think I'm gonna take some time to finish that. I want to go to grad school eventually, but for right now, I'm planning on staying in New Jersey."

"That's so cool. What's your novel about? What genre is it? Are you writing under a pen name? Because if you did it would be so mysterious and elusive." Ben keeps talking, and Devi can't tell if he's truly interested in Ciara's book or just trying to direct the conversation away from their jobs. Maybe it was a mix of both.

Ciara laughs, taking a bite of her fruit. "Nah, I'm not writing under a pen name. It's a YA novel, about a group of high schoolers who are really good at math. And the government recruits them in this Secret Service plot to crack a code, which is basically just a combination of the Beale and Dorabella ciphers."

Ben looks a tad skeptical. "There's no way a bunch of high schoolers could solve that cipher. CIA agents, with _multiple_ PhDs, have been working for years on cracking it and they haven't even gotten halfway."

"Well, my kids will. So buy my book to find out how they do it." Ciara crosses her arms at Ben, smirking softly.

He looks back at her, smiling just slightly with the beginnings of admiration in her eyes, and Devi turns to Adrian, trying to ignore the way her throat suddenly feels extremely tight.

"What about you, Adrian? Any fun plans?"

He looks back at her, smiling slightly. "Yeah, actually. I'm gonna be a grad student at Brown getting my MFA, doing some research on the side, and teaching a class to freshmen. It's gonna be pretty cool."

"That's dope as hell, dude. What research are you doing?" Devi maintains their eye contact, ignoring Ben's burning gaze on the side of her face.

"Well, my main research interests are Feminist Theory and Gender Studies, as well as Latina/Latino Literature. But I'm getting my MFA in British and American Literature."

"Too many big words for you, David?" Ben asks, and she drags her eyes away from Adrian to look at him.

"No need to project, Gross," she says, leaning back in her seat, hating herself for not being able to come up with anything better. It was suddenly hard to think with his eyes on her.

* * *

They settle into their seats for Hairspray a few minutes before the curtain opens. As expected, the boys did not want to come with, but with a few pointed looks from Ally, they yielded faster than a falling pile of dominos.

Ben sits down next to Devi, looking a little like an excited child. "Okay," he starts, voice pitched low. "I know the guys didn't want to see it, but I love Hairspray. I find it to be one of the best musicals of all time. I mean, not only is there a great message about integration and finding love, but there are so many visual symbols that make it just worth that much more."

Devi stares at him for a few seconds. "Are you just gonna sit next to me everywhere we go now?"

"There's nowhere else to sit. Everyone else is sitting with their respective boyfriend or girlfriend," he says, sounding a little dejected.

"Fine," she concedes, wondering why she wasn't putting up more of a fight. Maybe it was to avoid further conversation about the words boyfriend and girlfriend. "But about your point, I do have to say that my favorite symbol is their costumes and how they change as the course of the musical progresses."

Some of the fire returns to Ben's eyes, and Devi finds they're more fascinating this way.

" _Exactly_. And that's such a clever visual contrast. From the monochromatic segregated past to the multicolor integrated present, their costumes follow the same path and it brings the show so much more definition."

Devi nods slightly. "There are so many good themes in this musical. It covers everything from body positivity to prejudice to bigotry and it's still accessible enough for virtually anyone to enjoy. Like, if"—

"Can you guys shush?" Ciara hisses from the other side of Devi. "It's starting."

This makes Devi realize that her friends had never told Ben and her to shut up when they were arguing, but they did when they were finally agreeing on things. Before she can let herself think that it was a shame, the curtain opens and Devi turns her attention back to the stage.

She sneaks a glance at Ben halfway through the show to see his eyes following the singers, mesmerized, and the way the light bounced off the blue was enough for her to keep staring at him for way longer than she probably should have. He doesn't say anything, too focused on the show, but Devi prays she imagined the corner of his mouth lift up.

She's in her thoughts for the rest of the show, wondering why Ben being three hours away from her after the cruise affected her so much. Yes, maybe they fit a loose definition of the word 'friends', and maybe he was, objectively, attractive. But there was nothing between them, so where he was shouldn't matter to her. His plans and his life shouldn't matter to her. Devi can't deny, though, that for one fateful second, she wishes he had said he would be in Seattle, too. Why? That's something that she didn't know the answer to.

"It was nice to see that show again," Ben says to her, rising from his seat as soon as the musical ends.

"You've seen it before?" Devi questions, as they maneuver their way to the aisle.

"Yeah. I've actually, uh, seen it on Broadway."

"Really? You go with your rich dad and sit three feet from the stage?"

"My dad bought the tickets, but, uh, he couldn't come because of a last-minute work thing. So I, actually saw it with my, um, housekeeper, Patty," he mumbles, voice so low Devi has to strain her ears to hear it.

"You had a housekeeper? Jesus Christ, how rich _are_ you?"

Ben looks fully embarrassed now. "Yeah. My parents weren't really around when I was growing up, so we had a housekeeper who like, cleaned and cooked for us. She was a great woman though. She practically raised me when I was little."

Devi pauses, unsure of what to say. Although he had to be insanely rich to have a housekeeper, the sadness in his voice made her feel as though there was a lot of truth to the phrase 'money doesn't buy happiness.' Her heart twinges for Ben for the second time today.

He glances at her, starting to look nervous. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I'm sorry, that was so random."

Devi aims to sound understanding. "No, _no_. Um, I'm sorry, that sounds pretty bleak. I mean, my dad _died_ , but at least he spent time with me when he was alive, you know?"

At the panicked expression on Ben's face, she quickly backtracks. "Okay, that was not what I was gonna say. God, I'm so fucking bad at this. I meant more along the lines of"—

Ben laughs now, cutting her off. "It's okay, David. I know you were trying to be supportive. Plus, hey, it was in the past so all's good now, right?"

Something in his tone told Devi that _no_ , it was not all good, but she decided to drop it for the time being. She'd encountered enough emotions for the day regarding Ben.

"Yeah," she says, nodding back. "Everything's good now."

They walk next to each other in silence, following the rest of the group off the ship as they disembark. Looking out at the blue water and sun (which had finally come out after a dreary morning), Devi temporarily forgot about whatever transpired between her and Ben.

"God, this is _gorgeous_ ," she murmurs to Ciara as they finish descending the steps and stand on the island.

"I know," she says back. "I'm so glad we waited for the rain to stop. Too bad we only have a few hours to explore the island now, though."

"We'll just have to make the most of it. There are so many things we can do here, though," Ally says to them.

The group of six walks through the Nassau Straw Market, taking in the sights slowly. Devi had done her research before, obviously, so she knew of a few things they could do to spend the time, but she was content to just live in the moment for the time being.

"I heard we can go sample some exclusive rum at some famous distillery," Josh begins, glancing at Ben and Adrian. "It shouldn't take too long. You guys wanna come?" The guys nod and disappear, and the girls look at each other.

"I'm kinda glad he didn't ask us to go with him," Ally admits. "I hate the way rum tastes."

Devi chuckles. "Eh, I don't mind it. But I kinda wanna buy a straw hat." She walks over to a vendor and picks one out, admiring the neat straw braids and colors weaved in. Nalini might like it. She holds it up to Ally and Ciara, who nod approvingly back at her. She pays for it and walks back up to the girls, who are now looking at necklaces.

Ciara suddenly spots something and grabs their hands. "We should get our hair braided! Like just one braid. It would be so pretty."

So, Ally and Devi follow her to the woman who was braiding hair. Ciara goes first, and after Devi sees the way it looks on her, goes next. As she waits for Ally to be done, she glances at herself in the small mirror. She only got it braided until the back of her ear, about halfway through her hair, but she liked it. It _was_ pretty.

The girls leave the market and walk further into the city, pausing to take pictures every now and then. Devi really wanted to see one of the museums on the island, but she decided to wait to propose the idea. They spot the boys walking out of the distillery and rush over to catch up to them.

"How was the rum?" Devi asks, looking at the guys.

"It was pretty good," Adrian says back, albeit a little shaky. "I might've had too much of it, but it was worth it."

Ciara laughs and takes his hand, walking ahead with him. Ally follows, showing a necklace she bought to Josh.

Devi turns to Ben, focusing on his face. He's looking right back at her, hands shoved in his pockets. Then, before she can blink, he steps forward and runs a finger along her braid, gently. She freeezes, unsure of what exactly to do, as he smiles, still scanning her hair. Then, he steps back just as quickly, taking his hand back, eyes boring into hers. Blue eyes, bluer than the beautiful water of the Nassau beaches.

"I like your hair," he says, a little shyly.

A pause.

"You look like a queen."

Devi stands stiller than ever, staring back at him, trying not to splutter. "A-a queen?"

He nods, still gazing at her with a fond look in his eyes. "A queen. Like you could rule your own kingdom or something."

A part of Devi's brain registers quietly that this is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to her. It sucks because she is terrible at taking compliments. She's the absolute _worst_ at it because she always feels like people are lying or stretching the truth. But when Ben says things like this, she can tell it's genuine. It's real. _He's_ real, and as she gets to know him better, he's turning out to be great, amazing, and it's scary. It's scary that one person can be this, well—real.

She smiles briefly before turning and following her friends. "Come on, Gross. We still have a whole day ahead of us."

They make use of their limited time as best as they can. First, they make their own chocolate at a place called Graycliff's because Ally wants to, and Devi eats so much of the free chocolate that she can't get the taste out of her mouth even after a few cocktails. Next, Ben suggests that they see one of the museums, and Devi feels her heart sink at the collective groan from the group. He doesn't look dismayed, however, and just keeps walking until they all have no choice but to follow him.

Devi walks into the museum and stays close to Ben while everyone else reluctantly tread behind them.

"This is so _interesting_ ," she whispers to Ben. "They have the swords from the time that they fought against the pirates who still occupied the Bahamas."

"I know. Do you know this island came to be named Nassau?"

"Obviously. When the British first settled Charles Town in 1660, the island was named for Charles II. They changed to Nassau after William III acquired power because it was his family's holding."

"It's crazy how much of this country's history is impacted by America and Britain," Ben says, as they walk over to examine a map of the Bahamas over the years. "And how the population increased so drastically."

"Well, yeah, but it was due to a number of factors. First, after the American Revolution, the British issued land grants to a bunch of Loyalists who came to the Bahamas"—

"—And then, after they found out they couldn't grow cotton by themselves, they imported a lot more slaves to help them."

"Then, after the British abolished the slave trade in 1807, a lot of them settled in the Bahamas as their livelihood. A lot of the current inhabitants of the islands found freedom in these islands."

Ben nods at her, then looks back at Ciara and Ally, who are examining one of the artifacts. He nudges her, then gestures to then with a turn of his head.

"We got them into it now."

Devi looks back and chuckles. "Where would they be without us?"

"Probably still eating chocolate, for sure," he says, smiling.

She whacks him on the arm. " _Hey_. That chocolate was good."

He starts laughing. "I know, I _saw_ how much of it you inhaled. They're not gonna give any more out for free to tourists after you."

Devi's eyes widen as she keeps punching him, starting to laugh with him. She finds that she likes his laugh, the way it brightens his whole face, making him look younger. She hadn't realized when she'd switched from laughing at him to laughing with him, from making fun of him to making fun of others with him, but the switch was almost imperceptible, _natural_. The fastness of all of this was unsettling, especially when it felt so damn right.

They wander around the museum for a little more until the sun begins to set, then leave in search of some food. Josh finds a place for them that his uncle recommended called Oh Andros. At this point, Devi is so hungry that she'd eat anything cooked for her, but he swears that it's worth the wait as they stand in line for over thirty minutes, fanning themselves and trying to not focus on their rumbling stomachs.

Finally, they get their seats, and Devi doesn't even grumble as Ben sits down across from her, too focused on the menu.

"Guys, one thing my uncle did tell me about this place is that they give you a ton of food. So you might want to find someone to share something with," Josh says, flipping through the menu.

Devi tracks her eyes on the words on the page, but out of her peripheral, she can see Ben glancing his eyes up at her nervously. Sighing, she looks up at him.

"What do you want, Gross?" she says, thankful for the fact that the restaurant is loud and no one can hear her talking to him.

He pauses for a second. "I was wondering if you wanted to share a plate or something."

She furrows her eyebrows, deciding to relent for now. _For now_ , being the key words. "Okay. What are you planning on getting?"

"Maybe the grilled shrimp? With mac and cheese?"

Yeah, she was gonna give him a hard time. "I was kinda thinking the fish fry, honestly."

"But I've heard the grilled shrimp is better here."

"There's no way that's the case. We're in the middle of an _ocean_ , Ben. They know how to cook fish."

"Okay, but shrimp are _also_ in the ocean, in case you're forgetting."

"Not as prevalent as fish, though."

"Wait, how about we do the combo? Then we can get both things."

"That works but we're not getting mac and cheese."

Ben looks distraught. "What? _Why not_?"

"Mac and cheese is the most typical side dish ever, Ben. I want to try something new. We're in a country with a whole different cuisine."

"But mac and cheese is a classic. It's so good no matter where you go. What if we get something new and don't like it?"

"Well, then at least we took a chance on something. I'm not going with your frat boy side."

"It's _not_ a frat boy side. Mac and cheese is universally loved."

"Well, I guess I'm not a part of the universe. How about potato salad instead?"

"Potato salad? What are we eating, Southern comfort food?"

"Mac and cheese is the _epitome_ of Southern comfort food!"

"It's literally not. To make the perfect mac and cheese, you have to get the amount of cheese just—

"If you guys don't pick _something_ ," Adrian says tightly, glaring at them. "I will order eel and force-feed it to the two of you."

Before Devi can say there wouldn't be eel in this part of the ocean, she catches Ben's eye and a similar expression on his face, as if they both knew this was an empty threat. She backs down, smiling briefly in apology to Adrian and stares at Ben.

"So, fried plantains and rice?"

"Sounds good."

They get their food and eat it relatively amicably, pushing their forks around the plate. There was a battle for who got the biggest piece of shrimp, or who got the last bite of rice, but it was silent, secret. Devi would spear some food and look up at Ben, competition lining her eyes until he relented and let her have it. He'd do the same, scooping up the last of the rice with his fork and bringing it to his mouth, keeping his eyes locked with hers the whole time. It was silent, secret, and almost stupid, but it was also a game, _their_ game. Devi was quickly realizing that everything between them was a game, a challenge, and that's what made being friends with him interesting. Because, yeah, they were friends, _somewhat_ , if she stretched the word far enough. And she let herself admit that for reasons she wasn't sure of yet.

Their unspoken game is interrupted when Ally shoves Devi her drink from across the table, which was already almost half-finished. "You need to try this. It's so good."

Devi accepts it, glancing at it hesitantly. It looked like one of those typical orange-red fruity drinks, and it had a drink umbrella. She would never admit it to anyone, but she was a sucker for those umbrellas. They had a way of making everything look more festive, fun. She'd drink anything that had a drink umbrella, which had gotten her into trouble into the past.

At Ally's eager nod, she takes a sip, widening her eyes. "That's good." She winces immediately after when the rum hits her tastebuds.

Her friend laughs. "Yeah, you can have the rest of it. It's too much rum for me right now. It's a Bahama Mama. Pretty good, right?"

It _was_ good, but also strong. Devi found she didn't mind as she kept drinking it, focusing on the taste of pineapple and cherry instead. It was probably more alcohol than she should've had at once, but it made her feel light and fuzzy and she ignored the rational part of her brain and Ben's worried eyes. Why was he even worried? She had this under control.

They all paid for their food, Ben lets Devi split the meal equally this time, much to his chagrin. They walked along the beach, slowly, enjoying the sunset and the breeze. Ciara found a bar on the beach that was playing some Caribbean music, so they all sat down and ordered. Devi ordered another Bahama Mama, ignoring Ben's soft suggestion that _maybe she should slow down._

As she sat on the soft sand of the beach, listening to the vibrant music, surrounded by her friends, it struck Devi then that she was actually in another country. She was free from the worry of doing something embarrassing and others judging her. She was away from the prying eyes of people she knew. But most of all, she felt relaxed, dazed. She was on vacation and loving the _hell_ out of her life.

Which is probably why she grabbed Ciara's hand and pulled her up, spinning her around on the sand of the beach. Devi ignores her small slip as Ciara laughs back, dancing with her to the music. Ally runs up to join them, and the three of them dance with each other to a few songs.

The boys get up and Devi watches as Ben walks towards her, hands shoved in pockets and eyes blank. Inexpressive. He holds a hand out and she just stares at it, unable to think of something to say. It's a quiet invitation on his part, silent, open.

As soon as she takes his hand, she knows she's made a mistake. It feels like time is moving way too fast, like they're moving way too fast, whatever _this_ is is moving too fast. She can't believe it was just this morning where she was reluctantly inviting him to brunch and now she is dancing with him.

He pulls her closer, pulls her into him, and suddenly she's eye level with his cheek, staring at the way the smooth skin stretches across the bones underneath. She can feel his heartbeat against her body, and it mingles with her own. _Thud, thud, thud_. Devi can't tell which is his heartbeat and which is hers, because they feel as one, connected, and it scares her. Everything about Ben is scary. The air feels charged, suddenly, as if her internal declaration had somehow transferred to the atmosphere.

Ben spins her and brings her back to him, hands wandering lower so that a few of his fingers skim the few inches of her back that are exposed. Devi manages to not audibly catch her breath, but her heart jumps, and she can't focus on anything except where he's touching her skin, touching _her_. His touch, gentle yet firm, always, burns into her, like liquid gold. He leans forward and the feeling of his breath on her ear alone almost makes her shiver.

"Isn't _this_ fun?"

Devi tries not to jerk away and instead tilts her head up to whisper in her ear. He's not that much taller than her and as soon as she realizes it, she almost smirks to herself.

"It's not, Gross. I can't believe I'm standing this close to you and not throwing up."

"So you finally admit I'm not gross? Dammit, Devi, I knew you were into me since day one."

Devi nearly chokes as she involuntarily trips and Ben steadies her, fingers pressing into her hip. She can smell him better now and the scent of wood and citrus crowds her senses, a combination that she's never found in tandem before. She finds it more intoxicating than she would've wanted.

"Couldn't be farther from the truth," she quips back, hoping she sounds less breathless than she feels.

"I would argue that it's closer to the truth than you think it is."

"I would argue the opposite, naturally."

Ben chuckles, the sound filling the air between them. They sway for a few more minutes, listening to the tropical music before he asks her a question, hesitation evident in his voice.

"Can you tell me about your dad? If you don't mind, that is."

Something about this question sets off warning bells in Devi's brain. She wasn't sure why he wanted to know, and opening up wasn't her strongest quality, especially not to people she'd met just a few days ago. Maybe it was their physical closeness or the fact that she realized that not constantly fighting with him wasn't _terrible_ , but she schools herself to open her mouth.

"Um, sure. He was—well, he was amazing. And I remember the small things just as much as the big things about him. How he always smelled like peppermint. How he gave me butterscotch candy to cheer me up. How much he loved the beach, especially Malibu."

This is one of the only times Devi has talked about her dad without breaking down. All of the memories are fond, happy, and she finds herself smiling as she recalls them with pride. Recalls _him_ with pride.

"He brought me flowers for my 8th-grade graduation. It was the most gorgeous bouquet of orchids and tulips. I remember that day so well. It was one of the happiest days of my life."

She can feel Ben's smile against the side of her head. "He sounds like he was the best."

Devi rests her head on his shoulder, ear against his heart, the beat steadying her. "He was."

* * *

Soon after, Ally reminds them all they need to get going or the ship is going to leave without them. They all walk back relatively quiet and head to their own rooms. Devi showers as quickly as she can, getting into bed as the pull of sleep beckons her. Right before she falls asleep, she stares at the ceiling, thinking about Ben.

Devi's starting to realize Ben has layers and it's somewhat of a stupid realization because everybody has layers. No one is simple, or exactly what they seem like on the outside. But she actually likes hearing about Ben's layers. She likes peeling them back and discovering them, discovering _him_. She likes listening to him talk about musicals and books and she likes talking to him about side dishes and her dad. She likes _him_. Holy shit. _She likes_ _him_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading as always :) would love to hear what you thought if u liked it!


	4. pouring out my heart to a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guys, yall are literally the sweetest! just wanted to say that bc reading the comments on the last chapter rlly cheered me up so much and helped pull me out of the abyss i was in. cutting my hair plus new music also helped (i kNeW i was going thru a taylor phase for a reason) but like, that’s just a whole another story :))
> 
> as for THIS story, here’s the second to last chapter. im just now realizing how heteronormative this story is-should've realized this a lot earlier-and i apologize but this is also the mindy’s fault for giving me the perfect enemies to lovers m/f couple and flooding my brain with thoughts of nothing but them
> 
> chapter title is from "this is me trying" by taylor swift (it's not my fav song from her album but i felt that the line rlly fit the b/d dynamic in this chapter)
> 
> happy reading!

When Devi wakes up the next morning, she allows herself basically jump out of bed and pace around her room, coming to terms with her feelings from last night. Afterwards, she spends time standing in front of her mirror in her PJs, telling herself this is okay. It's _okay_ to like someone she's been spending a lot of time with. It was basic psychology: the mere-exposure effect. She was liking him just because she had become familiar with him over the past few days. She could fix this with distance, with space. She needed to start practicing today and soon, after they both got off this cruise and distanced themselves from each other, her feelings would fade.

Resolved to do so, she pushes herself into the bathroom, quickly getting ready for the day. She pulls on a pair of worn jeans and a top, pairing it with some sandals. Then, she texts her friends, perching herself on the edge of her bed.

 **devi:** you guys wanna grab breakfast at 10:30? just us three? i wanna try the crepe place on deck

 **ally:** yeah sure sounds good

 **ciara:** im down. so no guys?

 **devi:** yeah they can do whatever idrc

 **devi:** i was actually kinda hoping to spend time with you guys

 **ally:** thats fine with me

 **ciara:** did smth happen? like between you and ben?

 **ally:** yeah is everything good?

 **devi:** things are fine. i just wanted to hang since were going back tmrw

 **ciara:** okay yeah lets do it

Devi sighs and grabs her bag, pulling it over her shoulder and pushing her way out of the door, determined to live a Ben-free day.

* * *

Ally waves Devi over to where Ciara and she are standing on the deck, and they settle into their seats at the small restaurant, looking through the menu.

"This is actually my first time trying crepes," Ciara starts.

"I've only had them once before," Ally responds. "But I got a chocolate one and it was to die for."

Devi rolls her eyes. "You'll eat anything with chocolate in it."

"And I stand by that statement."

The girls laugh as they continue to examine their menus, eventually putting in orders for a strawberry banana crepe for Devi, a chocolate one for Ally, and a lemon creme one for Ciara.

"So, how're you all feeling so far?" Ally begins, while they wait for their food. "Shit, I just realized I sound like a therapist. I wanted to make sure you're having a good time, is all. I feel like I haven't gotten the chance to talk to you guys."

"It's been great, honestly. I'm so glad you made us come on this trip because it's been so stress relieving. I'm pretty sad today's our last full day," Ciara replies.

"Yeah, me too. But we are gonna spend today and all of tomorrow with the guys, because after we get back to Charleston in the afternoon, Josh is spending the rest of the day driving us up to New Jersey."

"I have to get him something to say thank you," Devi joins in. "At least, like, a souvenir or something. Because I know we're paying him for gas, but it's not easy driving ten hours straight."

"Eh, it's fine," Ally says, waving her hand flippantly. "He likes driving, he thinks it's relaxing."

Devi tries not to shrink a little when she recalls her and Ben's loud argument in the car. "I still think I'm gonna get him something. You know, just to, um, ease my conscience."

Ciara glances at her curiously. "Don't feel bad for yelling at Ben, if you are. Because he was an entitled ass at the beginning of the trip. I would've done the same thing."

"I don't think you would've. You're a lot calmer than me."

"No, I really would," her friend insists. "But maybe not as much as you, though. You two are always arguing."

"Oh, not always," Ally adds. "I heard you guys talking about history at that museum in Nassau. I thought I'd died and been put in some sort of an alternate universe in which Ben and Devi got along."

"I mean, he's not that bad," Ciara responds. "He got better as the days went on, and yesterday he was surprisingly pretty nice. It's just Devi who turns him into some sort of prick who's all prickly."

"I don't _turn_ him into anything," Devi hisses. "He just tries to rile me up because he likes fighting with me."

The girls are momentarily distracted as their crepes are set down in front of them, and Devi takes a bite of hers, hoping they can get off this topic and never come back to it. The topic at hand being Ben, of course.

"You know, for someone who claims to not like him, you sure seem to bring him up an awful lot," Ciara says thoughtfully.

"I don't just _claim_ to not like him. I actually don't like him. Why would I ever like him? He's rich, he's spoiled, he's a _private school_ kid, for fuck's sake. He finds the need to go around quoting books and musicals to others like some sort of—some sort of Shakespeare or something. And now we're friends or whatever and he still doesn't even call me by my actual name!" Devi cuts off her passionate outburst, breathing heavier than she would've liked.

Ally and Ciara stare at her, crepes forgotten in front of them. Then, they glance at each other quickly, then back at Devi.

"If he bothers you that much," Ally begins softly, "then just avoid him for the day, okay? Let's find something to do so that we don't have to see him."

Devi breathes in once deeply, then out, a calming technique she'd scoffed at in high school but had done wonders for her in college. "Maybe trivia? I've always wanted to play."

"That's a good idea," Ciara says, comfortingly. "And you can always try mini-golf or something. We'll play with you. This is such a big ship. I'm sure you won't see him if you don't want to."

"Thanks, guys. I think I'll do those things. But I want to be by myself for the day, um, if you don't mind. It's just the group thing is a lot. It's kinda getting to me." It wasn't the group as much as one person in the group, but that wasn't something they needed to know. By the way their eyes were filled with a hesitant apprehension, she was starting to think they might know more than they were letting on.

But they say nothing, instead the girls smile softly at her and just nod. As they go back to eating to crepes, Ally murmurs to Ciara about dinner with the pilot and a fire drill later on, but Devi barely registers it as she stabs at her food, angry at the world.

"It's kinda wild that we've officially graduated, isn't it?" Ciara states, bringing Devi out of her angry internal world.

"It's definitely weird. Now, it feels like we have to grow up, for real you know? I sometimes wish we were back in college in that in-between," Devi responds.

"I know exactly what you mean," Ally adds in. "Like we had leeway in college to fuck up and now—before we knew it—it's just all…gone."

"I feel like I'm gonna be fucking up forever, to be honest. I mean, there are some parts of me which have it really together, and then there are other parts that just don't," Devi says.

"But I think that's okay," Ciara remarks thoughtfully. "I mean, we're human, at the end of the day. You can't expect us to be perfect, and we're all trying our best. As time goes on, we will figure life out, slowly but surely."

"Okay C, with the Rachel Hollis vibes. My very own motivational speaker," Ally says.

"Shut up. I'm just speaking my mind. Tryna cheer you losers up," Ciara quips.

Devi chuckles, smiling a little.

* * *

Devi walks into the trivia room a few minutes early, scanning it quickly. It was a small room, and there were just two tables in the center of it. Few people were scattered across the tables, considering it was midday trivia and most people had more interesting pursuits. She walks up to a table hesitantly, taking a seat when the occupants there smiled at her. She suddenly wishes that Ally or Ciara had come with her, but then she realizes that meant Josh and Adrian probably would too. And Ben. Who she was trying to avoid.

She drums her fingers on the table, staring at the clock. 11:58 am. Just as the hostess (a young woman with red hair) stood up and cleared her throat, a person comes running through the door, toppling over a few chairs in the process. Devi looks up and immediately tightens her jaw, feeling a sense of dread overcome her. Of course, the universe would decide to fuck her over. _Of course_ _it would_.

Ben takes a seat at the opposite table, looking thoroughly flustered. When his eyes meet Devi's, however, he raises his head almost imperceptibly and smirks to himself, proud, self-assured.

"Hello everyone!" the woman says, cheerfully, as Devi thinks relaxing thoughts of squeezing Ben's huge head between her fingers. "I'm Jo, and I'm gonna be officiating Trivia today. I know we have a smaller crowd so, instead of teams, we're gonna be playing Individual Trivia, which is basically just every man for himself. So, grab something to drink and get settled. We'll start in about five minutes."

Devi pays for a beer, not even caring that drinking in the middle of the day probably wasn't the most sophisticated look. She would need all the help she could get to make it through the next hour and a half. Just as she raises it to her lips, she sees Ben rising out of her chair. She focuses her eyes on the ceiling and drinks, not even wincing at the bitterness. As soon as she puts it down, Ben's standing in front of her, leaning against the side of her table casually.

"David. Didn't expect to see you at noon Trivia," he drawls, in a way that tells Devi he expected _just_ that.

She grips her beer a little tighter. "I don't need any form of a lie detector to understand that you're not telling the truth here."

"Aw, really? Not even an EEG?"

"No," Devi says, amicably. "Although it _would_ bring me great pleasure to hook your brain up to electrodes and send shockwaves through them."

"If you were gonna do that, you could've at least bought me one," he responds, gesturing at her beer.

"Don't want to waste my hard-earned money on buying you barley soda, sorry."

He leans forward, closer to her, locking his eyes in hers. "You bought me one the other night if I recall correctly."

"That was a mistake," Devi says, assertively, maintaining the eye contact. "It's never happening again."

"Sure, _sure_. Plus, I should be grateful to you, honestly. You getting drunk is just gonna make it easier for me to beat you," he says, pushing himself off the table.

"Please, Gross. I could beat you in Trivia after ten drinks and you know it."

He raises an eyebrow. "I guess it's game on, then."

Devi finds herself tracking his retreating back as Mandy grabs the mic, explaining the rules of trivia.

"—ask a question to everyone, and once you get one wrong, you're out of the game. Whoever is left standing at the end wins," Mandy finishes, looking around the room. "Everyone ready to start?"

Devi focuses on Mandy and nods, along with everyone else. She watches as the hostess turns to the other table, asking them their first questions, which most people get right. When it's Ben's turn, Devi finds herself listening intently as Mandy speaks into the mic.

"Which Dutch artist painted 'Girl with a Pearl Earring'?"

Ben leans back in his chair, casually, almost lazily. "Johannes Vermeer."

Mandy informs him that it's the correct answer, cheerfully, and moves on to her table. As she asks everyone in turn, Devi sips her beer, focusing on the taste. When it's her turn, she looks at the hostess expectantly.

"Which of Shakespeare's plays is the longest?" Mandy reads off the notecard.

"Hamlet," she answers, taking a swig of her beer.

Mandy beams and nods, and Devi doesn't even have to look at Ben to tell that he's scowling at her, because she can feel it from across the room.

* * *

They go on like this for the better part of the hour, since even though there are only a few competitors, they know their trivia well enough for there to be multiple rounds. Soon enough, though, as Devi expected, she's the only one remaining standing. Well, of course, with Ben. If she couldn't physically put distance between them, fine, but she _was_ gonna dust his ass in trivia to make up for it.

"Okay," Mandy begins. "Since you two are the only ones left and it's been a few rounds now, we're gonna do a tiebreaker round. It's gonna be just the two of you, okay?"

Devi looks at Ben, ready to square off. "I'm ready."

Ben stares back at her, a wicked grin on his face. "Me too."

"Great! So, here's the first question," Mandy says, looking at Devi. "What famous actress once tried to hire a hitman to kill her?"

"Angelina Jolie," Devi says easily.

"Good. Ben, which creatures produce gossamer?"

"Spiders," he answers, smiling.

"Correct. Devi, who won the first Nobel Prize for Medicine?"

"Emil von Behring."

"What is the driest place on the earth?"

"The Dry Valleys in Antarctica."

More than twenty minutes later, Mandy looks more than a little bothered, and the majority of the other trivia participants had similar expressions on their faces. Ben and Devi had continued to answer the questions with ease, despite the increasing difficulty, smirking at each other all the while. Their hostess had given up on telling them if their answers were correct or not, just sighing at them and flipping to the next index card with every enthusiastic response from Devi and every confident answer from Ben.

"What are the names of the two stone lions in front of the New York Public Library?" Mandy asks tiredly, flipping to her last card.

Ben furrows his eyebrows. "Patience and ……Courage?"

Devi jumps up from her seat, elated. "Wrong! Patience and _Fortitude._ Ha! I won."

"Courage and Fortitude are synonyms!" Ben stands as well, slapping his hand down on the table. "I should've gotten that point."

"What the hell? No way. Besides, what type of name is Courage for a lion?" Devi bites back, striding over to him.

"It's not like Fortitude is much better. Plus, it's not even a real lion. It's made of stone." Ben runs his hands through his hair frustratedly, and Devi almost falters for a second at the action.

"All the more reason to give it a _good_ name," Devi quips instead, crossing her arms over chest.

"Okay, well that does it for today, folks," Mandy tries weakly, as most of the room's occupants get up and file out of the room, grumbling. "Devi, here's your prize for winning."

She turns to the woman and takes the $20 gift card from her hand. Turning around, Devi dangles it in Ben's face, who stares back at her unimpressed, arms still crossed across his chest. Then, she turns on her heel and leaves the room.

In the hallway, she's suddenly unsure of where to go or what to do. She does know she needs to move fast or Ben would follow her, which would not bode well for her newborn _feelings_.

She walks the hallways, taking random turns. Devi opens a door, and finds herself on a part of the deck she's never seen, featuring a mini-golf course. Thanking Ciara silently, she walks up to the table, gets a club, trying to play out her thoughts. She's just made it past Hole Three when her phone rings, and after one glance at the caller ID, she answers it, holding it between her cheek and her shoulder.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hello, Devi. How've you been? I'm starting to wonder how I was okay with you going off into the middle of the ocean on a ship."

"I'm fine, Mom," she says, hitting the golf ball gently into the hole. "I felt kinda unsettled about it too, in the beginning, to be honest, but now I'm good."

"Good, good. Now, tell me. What else has been happening? Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah, it's been fun. I'm glad I came. I've been spending a lot of time with Ally and Ciara."

"That's nice to hear. Then, why do you sound sad?"

Devi freezes. "I don't sound sad. I sound happy."

"Don't lie to me, Devi. I'm your mother. Plus your emotions have always been easier to read than a book. I can hear the sadness in your voice from hundreds of miles away. "

The issue here was that Devi was an engineer. Her problems in college, whether social or academic, had always been more black and white. Problems that required step by step solutions. And maybe sometimes, _sometimes_ , they had been a little confusing, but even then, she had resolved to her mental toolbox and picked out the best way to solve something. She ignored the fact that after her dad died, everything was shades of grey, nothing was black or white, and that's why she was so desperate for things to make sense. Ben was grey. Ben _defined_ the word grey. On one hand, she wasn't stupid, she knew this could be a simple cruise fling for him. Just something he wanted for a few days to fuck around. But for her, what scared Devi was that she might want more. That she might want to extend this dance she did with him, this game. That maybe she wanted to make it more black and white _instead_ of grey.

"This just isn't something I know how to talk to you about, Mom."

"You can talk to me about anything, kanna. I'll try my best to understand."

Devi debated the pros and cons of fessing up to her mom. They had grown closer in the latter half of high school, but there was always a certain distance that she had maintained with her. She supposed that maybe it wouldn't hurt to describe (in vague terms, of course) what was going on.

"I met—um, I might have met someone. A boy. But it's stupid, right? It's a cruise and people meet others all the time, so it's childish of me to think it's going to go anywhere. It could just be a simple crush. I'm not sure if I even _want_ it to go anywhere. I mean I might but then again, he's also a _major_ pain in the—"

"Calm down, Devi. I wonder when you will grow out of rambling endlessly. It's not becoming," her mom says, sounding surprisingly composed. "Now, about this boy. I don't think much could come of someone who you met on a cruise. I mean, you've only known him for how many days? Three?"

"Four, if you count today," Devi grumbles back. So much for being vague.

"Four days. That's not nearly enough to know someone well enough to start something with them. But, and I can't believe I'm telling you this, if he is really special then ......maybe it can't hurt to let him know how you feel."

"I don't know if I want to do that." She did know actually. She knew she _didn't_ want to. She just wanted to forget about this, forget about him, forget about the fact that she liked an annoying, rich, white boy who went to Yale.

"Well, as I said, it can't hurt. I mean, if he's not the one then you both will go your separate ways after this cruise. Speaking of which, you're still coming to visit me afterwards, correct?"

"Yes, Mom. I'm going to drive up to New Jersey with Ally and C and get my stuff together, and then my flight's in a few days."

"Okay, kanna, that sounds good. Also, I've got to go soon. I've got a patient waiting, but I wanted to give you a quick call while I had a few minutes."

"That's fine. I have to go too." It was a lie, she had absolutely nothing to do but evade Ben. He hadn't found her yet, and she was on Hole Five now, which she considered somewhat of a win.

"Also, Devi?"

"Yes, Mom?"

"This boy—he better not be one of those idiotic athlete types you wasted your time with during high school."

Devi chuckles a little, despite her mother's slightly harsh words. "He's not, Mom."

"Alright, good. Bye, kanna." Nalini hangs up and Devi shoves her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, trying not to feel sad about the fact that she officially had no one to talk to.

As she works her way through the mini-golf course, she thinks about how spending time with herself wasn't all that bad. Devi had always loved being around others, but her time in college had helped her start to value her independence as well. Being on this cruise and forcing herself to make use of her time was breaking the idea that she needed others to around to have fun. Devi kinda liked this. She knew that part of the reason she was feeling this way was that it meant she didn't have to see Ben, but she ruled that was besides the point.

She makes her way through the golf course, then heads up to a different part of the deck where a mini outdoor theater was set up. Settling down in a pool chair with some popcorn, she spends the better part of the afternoon watching _Jaws_ , ignoring the way they sun skipped across the sky. After _Jaws_ , the next movie queued up was _An Affair to Remember_ , a movie her mom would never stop talking about. Deciding to give it a chance, Devi watches the first hour of it, munching on another bowl of popcorn.

About halfway through, she resolves that the extreme parallels were too much for her (like honestly, was falling in love on cruise ships a _normal_ thing?), and darts back downstairs to her room, trying to convince herself she imagined the head of brown hair she saw walking up the stairs.

* * *

Back in her room, she orders pizza, not minding the extra fee for room service if it meant she didn't have to eat dinner with the group. Devi showers, taking the time to wash her hair, letting the water drench her completely, hoping it would somehow clear her thoughts.

After she changes into a tank top and shorts, not bothering to put on a bra, she climbs under her covers to scroll through her phone, ignoring that fact that it was barely 7 pm.

Her pizza comes not soon after, cheesy and greasy, nothing too fancy, and she eats it out of the box, watching Riverdale reruns on the small TV. She's just started her third slice when she hears a sharp blaring noise.

Devi instantly freezes as chills gather on their arms. Memories flash through her head in seemingly no order. Her father, lying on a stretcher as the harsh blare of the ambulance whines in the background. Looking at the crowd during her concert, feeling her heart drop as her mom screams. Her father's funeral, watching him go up into flames and wishing the pain would go away.

She tries to breathe but she finds that she can't, that the air isn't traveling to her lungs, instead just lodging itself in her throat. The realization makes her tremble uncontrollably and all she knows is she needs to get far, far away from this sound, far from these memories. With shaking legs, she stands up, throws her door open, looking for the easiest way to get on deck, where there's air. She's been up to the deck a million times before, she knows she has to take a left and walk all the way down the hallway, but the tears suddenly blurring her vision make her feel even more lost and disoriented. So, she starts running.

Devi has just made it past a few rooms, or maybe it was more than a few—she couldn't tell with tears in her eyes—when she suddenly trips and falls with a dull _thud_. Cursing to herself, she gets up, just as she hears a room door open, and keeps running. An awfully familiar sounding voice calls after her and a part of her would later realize that this was the first time Ben called her by her actual name.

Making it onto deck, Devi finds that the siren noise is only louder, and the beating of her heart is definitely erratic. Nevertheless, she leans on the railing, trying to breathe in the crisp ocean air, hoping the wind in her hair will calm her down. She barely registers footsteps behind her, but she can't ignore a voice.

"Devi? Are you okay?"

She doesn't respond, just sobs louder, leaning forward to rest her forehead against the railing. She refuses to open her eyes but then she feels arms encircle her tightly, and suddenly she's pulled into Ben's chest. His sweatshirt feels soft against her forehead, and Devi lets him hold her, grateful for the amount of force that he's using. His distinct woody citrus scent comes over her in waves, slowly calming her, as she finally breathes, gulping in air. They stand like this for a few minutes, until the siren stops and Devi steps away and looks out over the railing once again, refusing to look at Ben. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see him pull off his sweatshirt, bunching the grey material up in his hand.

"I was having—I was having a"—

"Panic attack. It's okay. It was just a drill." Ben's voice is soft, controlled, like a beacon of warmth. "Here, put this on. It'll keep you warm."

Devi looks over to find him extending his sweatshirt, and she takes it from him without much deliberation, resolving that the crisp ocean air was not doing much to help her chills. Slipping it on, she looks down at the words on it and grimaces.

"Can't believe I'm wearing a Yale Young Republicans sweatshirt," she says a tad shakily, eyes trailing the soft waves the ship was stirring up. "I'd rather freeze to death than declare myself pro-life or some shit."

Ben barks out a laugh. "Did you honestly think I was Republican?"

"Are you not?" She realizes that keeping her mind occupied with bantering with Ben was helping her, as she felt her heart gradually slowing down, beats returning to normal. Ben seemed to realize it too if the way he glances at her approvingly is any indication.

"No. I mean, um, not anymore anyway. I was in high school, and then I was for a year in college. That's when I joined Young Republicans because I'd done it in high school. It took me some time to realize how fucking stupid their views were, about gun control to DACA to gay marriage, but I eventually did and dropped out. One of the best decisions of my life."

Devi pauses for a second to process this. "Then, why do you still have this sweatshirt?"

"Because it teaches people not to judge what's on the outside. And that's something both parties are guilty of. But also just like, in general, just because you wear something or come off as one way doesn't mean you are. It's the element of surprise. I enjoy keeping people on their toes."

"You know, I think that's too insightful of a reason for your three brain cells to come up with."

"Honestly?" he laughs. "It's just a very warm sweatshirt."

It _was_ warm, and Devi was suddenly grateful she'd accepted it from him. She pulls her hair out of the hood, letting the curls tumble down the front, which were mostly dry now. She focuses her eyes on the setting sun as she says her next words.

"Um, what happened before, with my panic—"

"It's okay, Devi. I get it, trust me."

She pins him a glare. "No, I just, I need to get this out. Besides, you already saw the worst of it, so you might as well hear the rest." At his nod, she continues, turning back to the water.

"My dad—he died when I was in 9th grade during my orchestra concert. He had a heart attack, and we rushed him to the hospital as soon as we could, but the ambulance noise is what I remember most. It wouldn't stop, and I just remember wanting so badly for it to. Every time I heard it after that, in high school, it was always terrible. But usually, I had someone around me and I thought it'd gotten better in college. But I guess not."

He sounds surprisingly sincere when he responds. "That's how these things work. The feelings come and go. You can't control them, no matter how hard you try."

"Yeah, and it sucks ass. I just—I guess I just need someone to be there for me, sometimes, when it happens. So, um, thanks for that."

Ben turns his head to smile at her. "Anytime, David."

Devi leans forward against the railing. "Josh was actually there for me, once, freshman year."

"Oh, really?" he says, voice pitched slightly higher than usual.

"Yeah. It was one of my first frat parties, ever, and it was the anniversary of the day my dad died. I just—I couldn't sit in my room and be sad so I went out and got shit-faced. And I wandered up to the balcony, somehow, when an ambulance pulled up. Apparently, someone got hurt, which was so not surprising, so they called the ambulance and it wouldn't stop blaring. I couldn't breathe, and I was drunk, and I was just trying to get away from the noise, so I thought it'd be a good idea to jump off the balcony into the pool."

"How far was it?"

"Like, twenty feet."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Devi," Ben mutters, shaking his head slightly.

"I know, okay. Not the best decision. But thankfully, I was about to climb up onto the railing when Josh walked up the stairs. I had just met him earlier that night, but he wasn't judgmental at all. He just took me to a restaurant, and I ate some food and sobered up a little. He didn't even ask any questions, and I kinda needed that at the time."

"That sounds like him. He'd do anything for anyone who needed it, honestly. He's a good guy like that."

Devi chuckles a little, craning her neck to face him. "Hard to believe he's friends with you."

Ben turns to her too, smile soft but eyes heavy, almost sad. "I think the same thing too sometimes."

"Ally says you guys met in high school."

"Keeping tabs on me now, David? When are you gonna admit to yourself you're obsessed with me?" Before Devi can justify herself, he chuckles a little and keeps going. "But yeah, we met in high school. He was actually, um—my first good friend."

"Apart from your imaginary ones?"

"Shut up. It's my turn to share now. I know you probably sucked at Show and Tell in kindergarten, but it's when one person is talking and everyone else has to give them their full, undivided"—

"I am not above wringing your neck." 

He holds his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, just kidding. But, yeah, basically all of elementary and middle school I didn't really have many good friends. I went to private school for all those years, and I know the whole stigma around it and everything, like I should be blessed to have such a good education. And I am. But it's just—you grow up with the same 40 people and everyone has their own groups and you don't fit into any of them. It just kinda hurts sometimes."

Devi finds that she can't say anything here, no matter how much she wants to, because the slight wavering of his voice squeezes her heart a lot more than she thought it could.

"But then Josh came along, freshman year, because he transferred from a different school, and he gave me a chance. And that's all I felt like I needed at the time. One fucking chance."

"It's what we all need to give each other, sometimes. But still hard to believe considering it's you," Devi says back, fiddling with the hem of Ben's sweatshirt.

His eyes zero in on the action before he continues. "I mean, I could see why no one wanted to give me one back then. I was entitled, irritating, and pretentious. I wore these ridiculously colorful polos with designs on them everywhere, for god's sake."

"So, what you're saying is, nothing's changed."

Ben steps closer to her to swat at her hand, but she moves her fingers away before he can. "Things _have_ changed. I wear normal polos now."

Devi, despite herself, smiles and shifts a tad closer to him. "Self-awareness is a beautiful thing, Gross."

"It goes both ways." His shoulders brush hers and she digs her way deeper into his sweatshirt, breathing in the intoxicating woody citrus scent as much as she can, before he inevitably asks for it back. Ben turns to her then, and their faces are only about an inch apart as he continues.

"I mean, yeah, I'm annoying and entitled sometimes, but I also like to believe I'm patient and compassionate when it comes to people I care about."

"You know, if you were someone more credible, like Bill Gates, I'd be more inclined to take your word for it."

Ben smiles, eyes darting between her lips and her forehead as if he can't figure out where to look. Before he can respond, Devi clears her throat and pushes herself off the railing.

"Come on," he says, stepping back from the railing as well and shoving his hands into his pockets. "Let's get you back inside before you freeze."

She doesn't argue with him as they walk back down to their hallway because although the sweatshirt had kept her torso warm, her legs had turned into icicles at this point.

Ben comes to a stop in front of his room and they stare at each other, both unsure of how exactly to proceed. He looks shy, sheepish almost, with one hand rubbing the back of his neck.

She stares at the ground, her hands in the one big pocket in the middle of his sweatshirt, trying to figure out what to say. Her heart twinges a little when she remembered that it was the last night, that tomorrow they'd be driving back up to New Jersey and probably parting ways.

The realization brings the beginnings of tears to her eyes, and for some unknown reason, Devi recalls her mom's words. _If he is really special then maybe it can't hurt to let him know how you feel,_ Nalini had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos make me smile!!! :)


	5. signals crossing can get confusing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this but debated on how to split it up for the longest time and i just decided to go ahead and post it. it picks up right where the last chapter ends!! hope thats not confusing for anyone
> 
> i would not let devi get w a r*publican and i genuinely feel like ben just needed a change of setting to get a change of mind so yeah freshman yr of college was that for him
> 
> ALSO this is where the rating changes so take that as you will fjklajflajf
> 
> chapter title is from love by lana bc :)

Before she can think too much of it, Devi looks up, steps closer and presses her lips to his, pulling away a second later. It's a chaste kiss, simple and fleeting, and she doesn't even give him time to kiss back before she steps away, shoving her hands in the single pocket of his hoodie.

He looks shocked for a fraction of a second, but then a half-smile fights its way onto his face. He steps up to her, threading his hand through her curls, before he kisses her, and it feels like everything falls together. Ben kisses her slowly but firmly, as if there's no rush, as if he wants to get this right. She kisses back, hands still in the pocket, the front of her chest lightly brushing his. In a way it makes her feel like she's in high school over again, all parked cars and illuminated streetlights and hesitant touches. 

Ben reaches behind him, fumbling blindly for the door before he pushes it open, dragging her inside, kissing her all the while. Once inside, he slams the door shut, and curves his free hand around her waist, pushing into the small of her back harshly. She pulls her hands out of her pocket, finally, to fist them in his shirt, dragging him closer to her.

His hand roams downwards, just slightly, brushing the waistband of her shorts. Then, he slips it under the hoodie and her tank top, brushing the side of her hip, hands like liquid gold on her body, warm and viscous.

It's all moving too fast, but also too slow for Devi. His touches are gentle, almost hesitant, but it's still not enough, not as much _fire_ and passion as she wants. He's going so slow, too slow, that it doesn't even feel like a hookup anymore. She tries to stop thinking and instead arches into him further, trying to feel more of the delicious friction on her body. She shoves her tongue into his mouth, relishing the feeling of dragging it along his.

He seems to understand her thoughts and pulls his hand out of her shirt, moving it down her ass, and stopping at her thighs. When he drums his fingers against the back of her thighs, she instinctively jumps up. He catches her, pushing her against the door roughly, and suddenly the temperature in the room feels infinitely hotter. The friction between their bodies is tangible now, clearly present, and Devi manages to barely stifle a moan when Ben rolls his hips against her.

He tears his lips apart from hers from the first time and looks at her, chest heaving, hair slightly tousled but eyes bright. Devi stares back for a split second, knowing she probably doesn't look much better, but fascinated by the darkness in his gaze, heady and strong.

"What?" she demands, trying to sound as steady as possible.

"Nothing," he says softly, shaking his head, gaze turning even more expressive.

Before she can get lost in his eyes, he latches his lips onto her neck, pulling the hoodie aside to nip at her skin. He sucks into her neck far too roughly, but she doesn't complain, just tilts her head further. When he flicks his tongue out to drag over the skin, she shudders, grasping onto his biceps tighter. He seems to approve of her reaction if the way he just increases the pressure of his tongue is any indication.

Ben picks her up off the wall, and she scrabbles at his back, trying to regain her balance as he walks her over to the bed. She resists the urge to tighten her legs around his waist and instead lets him ease her down on the white sheets, slow and controlled. Devi can see his muscles moving out of the corner of her eye as he does so and it doesn't do anything but make the blood pool at her core faster.

Staring into his eyes, she realizes they're too fond, too full of admiration and what almost bordered on lo—definitely _not_ that. Devi pulls him down for another kiss, latching her lips to his, and this time he pushes _his_ tongue into her mouth, kissing her the way she wanted him to, deeply, taking control.

His hand comes up to curl around the hem of his hoodie, and he breaks away from her to help her out of it, patiently. As soon as he gets it off, he sucks at her collarbone, running his hand up her side, from her hip to just below her breast. She gasps into his mouth and kisses him harder,slanting her mouth over his. When his hand comes up to circle her breast, pinching her nipple through her thin tank top, Devi keens, senses on overdrive with his hands and scent seemingly everywhere.

"God," he murmurs into her neck, as if it's an aside to himself. "You are so fucking sexy."

Her breath catches in her throat at the genuine tone of his voice. "Shut up, Ben. And take your shirt off."

He chuckles a little, leaning away from her to do as she instructed. "You would be the only one to tell a guy that after he gives you a compliment in bed."

Devi can't find anything witty to say back as she stares at him, trailing her fingers down his chest, all pale skin and lightly defined muscles. She's seen him shirtless before, _hell_ , she sat by him for hours while he wearing his swim trunks, but this is different. The aspect of being in bed, with the realization that something is going to happen, makes her look at him a little more blatantly. Or maybe it's just the fact that she wanted to see him in this way all along. The moment is soft, intimate, but Ben thankfully simplifies it by leaning forward again, pulling off her tank top.

He runs his tongue over the curve of her breast, biting down at the sensitive skin just above her nipple, and she can't help but whine as she arches into his mouth, eyes slipping closed.

He smirks then, she can feel it against her chest, so she raises her hand to swat at his head, eventually fisting her hands in his hair. She tugs a little, and he groans softly, the sound dulled by her skin, but there nonetheless. He moves lower to bite down on a spot a few inches right of her belly button, and she tugs harder at his hair as the wetness between her thighs grows.

"Ow," Ben complains, running his tongue over the mark he'd sucked into her torso.

"There's no—no way that hurts," Devi says back, breath catching as he twists his hand in the waistband of her shorts, pulling them off.

"I'll rate it an Uncomfortable on the pain severity scale," he quips brightly, running his hands up and down the length of her legs.

"That's a th—three. That's barely anything," Devi tries breathlessly, as he dips his head to bite at the inside of her thigh, his head infuriatingly close to where she wants it to be.

She can hardly speak because her world is quickly becoming nothing but Ben, his quippy words, soft, large hands, and needy mouth. He's all over her and the sensations feel amplified, as if electricity is running through her body. She's felt similar to this before, when she was drunk, when everything was more prominent, but she hasn't had a sip of alcohol since trivia, which was way too long ago for it to produce this type of reaction in her system. She can't owe this to anything but Ben, and the thought is as unsettling as it is comforting.

He seems oblivious to her internal turmoil as he slowly drags her panties down her legs, bunching them up and throwing them in a corner.

Ben looks up at her then, blue eyes wide and honest. "Can I?"

She manages to open her eyes, veins practically bursting with anticipation at this point, and nods.

"Yeah."

He smiles then, too gentle, too soft, and something about it tells Devi she's in trouble because she wouldn't mind seeing that smile again, even if they weren't in bed.

Before she can drown in her thoughts again, Ben flattens his tongue against her and licks up, firm and unyielding. The hand that isn't digging into his hair grabs the sheets, no doubt creating wrinkles. Devi faintly recalls that they seem softer than hers, which is a realization she's surprised she's been able to come up with when his tongue feels so blissful against her.

"Why are these sheets so soft?" she questions breathlessly as he traces her with his tongue.

He pulls back for a second and Devi can feel his hair brush against her clit lightly, the touch too much. She shivers involuntarily when it happens again, and now she's _sure_ he's doing it on purpose.

"I brought my own," he murmurs against her core. "The ones they give you usually irritate my skin."

Then, as if to somehow make up for his pretentiousness, he shoves his tongue inside her, beginning to trace her walls relentlessly. She moans, bucking up against his mouth, and he brings one of his hands up to push against her stomach. If she was in any other position, she'd be able to roll her eyes at his response, but she refrains from it in the fear that they'll just roll back in her head instead.

"You—you're literally such a rich ass— _oh my god_ ," she breaks off as he takes her clit between his lips, sucking on it gently.

"What was that?" he asks, smirk evident in his voice, head still buried in between her thighs.

"Jesus, _Ben_ , just keep fucking going," she grits out, her hand gripping the sheets so roughly she knows her knuckles are white. It feels like too much, and Devi can feel the delicious flames building up, in the very depths of her core, starting to burn stronger and stronger.

"I love hearing you say my name like that," he murmurs, seemingly another aside to himself. But thankfully he keeps going, increasing his speed as he circles her clit with his tongue as she gasps, unable to keep them inside.

Then, he takes her clit between his teeth, rolling it gently, and she falls apart at his mercy, back arching up as she cries out, a bunch of letters strung together with no meaning whatsoever. She can feel his hand dig into the side of her hip as she rides out the waves that follow slowly, taking her time to savor them.

Devi opens her eyes to focus blearily on the ceiling of his room, breathing hard, realizing that she was bathed in a thin sheen of sweat.

She feels Ben press a kiss against her and she is hypersensitive enough that she bucks up. He laughs a little, kissing his way back up her body evenly until he gets to her neck, where he pauses to bite at the muscle there.

"So?" he questions, the two letters speaking for themselves.

"I'd rate it a 10 on the pain severity scale," Devi manages shakily, referring back to an earlier point in their conversation.

"I think you mean _pleasure_ severity scale," he says confidently, pushing himself up to look into her eyes, directly over her. She rolls her eyes, trying not to smile at him as her breathing starts to stabilize.

"I didn't actually hurt you though, right?" Ben asks, face suddenly worried, as he reaches a hand out tentatively to tuck a curl behind her ear. His eyebrows furrow as he searches her face, as if the answer lies there.

She can't help her heart clenching at the genuine worry in his voice, something that had nothing to do with the fact that she wanted him physically. Before she can read into his words too much, she blinks her thoughts away and pulls him down, kissing him softly.

He pauses for just a second before kissing her back just as softly, as if she's something he needs to be gentle with, careful with in case it breaks, like a china figurine. His lips are addicting this way, Devi finds, even more so than before, when he kissed her hard and fast. This way is promising, intimate, and it's exactly what she wants but doesn't _need_ at this moment.

Devi pushes him away slightly and rummages through the bedside drawer, looking for something there. When she finds nothing but a pen and a copy of the Torah, she pins Ben a look.

"Surprised?" he asks, getting up to walk over to his bag.

Devi's not quite sure if he's talking about the fact that he's Jewish or the implications of not having condoms at the ready. She decides to focus on the former, because she exploring the latter seems too risky, at least where the feelings of her heart are concerned.

"Not really, Gross. I knew you were Jewish," she replies, watching him rummage through his wallet.

He raises an eyebrow, as if he knows that wasn't what he was referring to. Thankfully, he decides to play along. "How?"

"Um," she says, blatantly staring at his chest as he walks towards her, foil package in hand. "Adrian told me."

It was a lie, and a bad one at that, and Ben seems to know it. He smirks, climbing into bed to hover over her.

"Really?" he asks, leaning forward to bite at the skin just below her breast. "He just told you out of the blue?"

Devi bites her lip as he runs his tongue along the bottom of her breast. "Obviously not," she pants, as he drags his tongue upward. "It came up in conversation."

"I'm curious to know what type of conversation would revolve around discussing my religion." He brings his hand up to palm her other breast and she bucks into him slightly, gasping. "Or are you just that obsessed with me?"

Devi's fully ready to deny his accusation before he takes her nipple between her teeth, gently biting down. She mewls, throwing her head back, fisting her hand in his almost criminally soft hair.

"Okay, _fine_ , you—you jackass. I saw your necklace the other day at the pool. The Star of—of David."

Ben hums, mouth still around her nipple, and Devi feels like she might come right then and there. "Knew you couldn't keep your eyes off me from the beginning. You really should stop denying it."

"You're _literally_ delusional," she manages, forcing her eyes open.

Ben chuckles and lifts his head from her breast, stilling the movements of his hand. She blinks at the sudden change, gazing up at him, trying to slow her breathing. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, just searches her face, before he asks her a question.

"Are you sure you want this?"

"Please Ben," Devi scoffs, praying she sounds casual. "I know you didn't pull me into your room just to go down on me."

"I didn't really expect anything when I pulled you into my room," Ben says, slotting his body over hers fully. "I promise."

His voice is earnest, and his eyes are unguarded, and Devi has nothing else to do but believe him at this point. She's so into him right now that she'd believe her if he'd told her if the sky was purple, knowing full and well it'd be a lie.

"I want this."

Ben traces her cheek lightly with his fingers, eyes flitting over her face quickly, before he leans down and kisses her gently. She barely has time to kiss back before he pulls back, eyes boring into hers. Devi feels the anticipation build as he looks over her, his heady gaze taking her apart, before he moves to thrust into her.

She gasps and he chokes out a groan as he pauses, letting her adjust. Eventually, Devi swats him.

"Move, Gross."

And he does.

They move in tandem, as if they both know what the other one wants, and Devi can't help but feel like they do. They don't know each other remarkably well, but then again, some part of Devi feels inexplicably connected to him, and it's almost easy to do this, to be with him like this. It feels like two magnets clicking together, the north pole attracted to the south. The way they make love—and this is _definitely_ more lovemaking, not fucking, if the way Ben won't break eye contact with her says anything—is intoxicating, addicting almost.

"Go faster," she says, hoping she sounds more annoyed than she is.

"I want to enjoy this moment," he says, leaning forward to bite on her earlobe.

"I don't give a shit if you do."

He licks up her ear, the action doing way more to her senses than it should, before he chuckles, full and heavy in the room.

"So demanding," he whispers, the tone of his voice more admiring than annoyed.

Devi opens her mouth to say something else, but it breaks off into a moan as she starts to thrust into her faster, dragging his hand down the length of her leg to lock one around his waist. She almost groans out as the angle changes, some of the heat returning to their atmosphere.

Ben pulls her other leg up as well, holding it in place with his hand on the back of her thigh. The position isn't anything new, but with him, it feels so right, _blissful_ , and Devi can barely see two inches in front of her.

"You're not going hard—hard enough," she says, digging her nails into his back, partially just to spite him.

"You couldn't handle me going harder," he responds, still annoyingly cocky even though she can hear him panting in her ear.

"You know I could. Stop being such a pussy and just fuck me already."

Devi can see the anger pour into his eyes, combined with lust, so clearly evident, and she smirks at him. He was so easy to play, so fun to rile up, and so, _so_ predictable.

He growls as he pounds into her, unrelentingly now. Devi can feel beads of sweat starting to form on her forehead, hair sticking to her skin, but she can't bring herself to care. It's just enough pressure, the right amount of everything, and he's unforgiving with her body in a way that should be _sinful_.

Devi blinks, struggling to keep her eyes open as he shifts his head to graze his teeth over her shoulder. She whimpers, throwing her head back, shoulder blades digging into the softness of his stupid sheets, embarrassingly close to the edge now.

Without moving his mouth from her shoulder, Ben moves his other head to her breast, kneading and pulling her nipple as he continues to thrust into her. The sensation pools more wetness between her legs, and while it could get her there soon, she wants to be there now _._ She's closer than before, _almost_ there, but still, it's not quite enough.

"Ben, come _on_ ," she pleads, even as she gets closer to the edge.

"What?" he says, in the same cocky tone that Devi is finding to be maddeningly attractive. "This not doing it for you?"

"I'm so close to leaving," she says, even though the way her fingers dig into his biceps show it's an empty threat. "And getting myself off."

"Well, we can't have _that_ , can we?"

Then, thankfully, mercifully, he drags his hands down her stomach to press against her core, circling her clit, hard and fast.

She closes her eyes, her body starting to fall even more out of her control and into his. It's almost infuriating how he works with her body this well, like a musician playing their instrument, familiar and confident. As much as Devi wants to pretend like this is just another hookup, the way he plays her body shows it's not. It's more, and it feels too good, too perfect for the first time for it to be something simple. And if she wants to be completely honest with herself, it wasn't since the beginning.

With a firm press of his finger against her clit, she breaks apart, falling over the edge, gasping and moaning his name, speaking it into the air enough times to fill the room with nothing else. It's an insane amount of pleasure all at once, almost too much for her to handle. She can feel her body shaking, everywhere, from the bottom of her legs to the tips of her fingers, even as she grabs onto Ben's shoulders.

" _Devi_ ," he says into her collarbone as he comes seconds later, his tone absolutely wrecked, destroyed. He falls into her slightly, breathing heavily into her neck, but she finds she doesn't mind, the weight of his body reassuring. Her walls thrum approvingly, but she's too focused on the way he says her name, focused on committing it to memory before it slips away, before _he_ slips away. She knows her name _means_ goddess, but she's never felt more like one than right now, with Ben whispering her name into her skin like it's his mantra, his hands on her body as if she's his and no one else's.

She doesn't want him to go away. Or go anywhere, as a matter of fact. She's been given this time, somehow, and although she knows she has feelings for him, she figures the longer she draws this out, the more time she has to deal with the intricacies of real life. The realization hits her almost harder than her orgasm, and in a feat fueled by that thought alone she rolls them over, somehow managing to keep him inside her as she does.

"What—what are you doing?" he stammers, eyes blown wide.

"Riding you," she says simply, leaning forward to place her hands on his chest.

Devi watches him choke on his own breath, shock spreading over his features as fast as a blush usually blooms across his neck. She relishes in the feel of it, flipping the switch, turning the tables on him, letting him feel a little of what she's had to feel for the past…however many minutes they've been in bed.

"Are you sure?" he says, voice coming out strangled.

"Are you?" she volleys back, in lieu of an answer.

There's something about being on top of him this way that throws her off balance a little. If she thought this couldn't get any more intimate, she was wrong because this _definitely_ felt like it. Ben's face was full of awe, openly honest, and the feeling of him being so unguarded with her gives her a rush.

"Yes, of course."

She smiles coyly, beginning to move on top of him. "Well, I'm glad we agree on something."

"We've actually been doing a l—lot of agreeing lately," he chokes out roughly, as his hands come up to grasp her hips.

"You and me?" she asks, meeting his eyes. "Never."

His gaze changes then, darkening but somehow still full of admiration, bordering on the line of reverence. He looks up at her like he _worships_ her, like she is all he ever wants, all he ever needs. Devi averts her eyes, throwing her hair back, letting it tumble down her spine as she moves on top of him faster. She hasn't done this a million times before, but she's not inexperienced per se, and she tries to remember what she's done in the past as she sinks down even further.

She hears him groan, the sound ripping itself from his throat, quickly becoming addicting to her ears. Devi rolls her hips harder, relishing each different note that comes from him. She keeps going, fueled by his voice more so than her pleasure, a thought that she doesn't know what to make of.

"Fuck," he mutters, and she looks down to see him staring at her once again, the same reverence in her eyes. "You're so perfect."

Before she can muster up a response to that, he reaches down, pinching her clit between two of his fingers.

"Jesus Christ, _Ben_ ," she cries out, digging her nails into his shoulder as she comes, unexpectedly fast.

He comes right after her, wordlessly, hands bruising her hips with force. She doesn't have enough time to recover from her orgasm before he comes inside her, and her body shakes with the sensations as the waves hit her, hard and unforgiving. She rides them out slower than last time, purposefully dragging them out, taking the last of the moment she has with him right now.

They both pant into the air for a few seconds, room quiet save for their breath. Devi opens her eyes just as Ben sits up, still inside of her.

His arms come up to encircle her waist as he presses a soft, single kiss to the top of her left breast, where she's _sure_ her heart is. She can't help but drop her head to bury her face in his hair, as he breathes into her bare chest, and they stay like that for an amount of time that was probably seconds or minutes, but to her could have been centuries, eons.

Finally, he clears his throat, and she nearly falls over herself in the hurry to get off him. She jumps out of the bed, grabbing her clothes and Ben's hoodie to duck into the small bathroom.

Devi stares at herself in the mirror for a solid minute, eyes running over her tousled hair, swollen lips, and flushed face. Her hips look plainly bruised, and she can see where Ben left marks all over her torso. While the memories make her blush a little, she can't help but think about how to face him as she flushes the toilet and slips her clothes on. She glances at Ben's hoodie, trying to remember why she brought it in here, and if she should wear it or not.

Sighing, she puts it on, hoping the scent will calm her suddenly racing nerves, and steps out of the bathroom before she can stop herself.

Ben's sitting on his bed with his shorts on, leaning back against his headboard, staring at his ceiling. When she steps out, he jerks his head down to smile softly at Devi, tentativeness evident in his eyes.

She walks over to sit next to him, perching on his stupid custom sheets near his knees, not completely on the bed or completely off of it.

"So," he begins quietly, twisting his hands together. "That was really amazing—I mean, great. Really great."

She nods, trying to shove off whatever was suddenly lodged in her throat. "It was alright, I guess."

The corner of his mouth twists up. "You were saying otherwise no less than five minutes ago. Or, to be more accurate, should I say _moaning_?"

Devi blushes, and pink splotches appear on his neck just as soon as she does, as if he suddenly remembered what they had just done. She glances at the sheets and clears her throat, trying to decide what to do next.

"Do you want to stay?" he says, gesturing to his bed.

The words, although kind, feel like a knife to the heart. She wanted him for a second to say _he_ wants her to stay, to ask her to stay, maybe even beg her. And the question hurts more and more as the seconds pass, because although it's an invitation, it's not a mandate, not a wish, not _his_ wish. It's just another reminder that she fell for a guy she met on a cruise, and then fucked him, knowing it would probably just hurt her more. _She's_ the stupid one, he's the smart one in this situation, and she's not used to feeling stupid.

So, Devi bites her lip, averting her eyes from his blue ones, knowing if she glanced at them, she'd be sucked in like quicksand.

"It's okay," she manages shakily, trying to blink back the tears that suddenly clouded her vision. "I should, be—be getting back. I have to pack, for tomorrow, and you know—yeah."

Ben furrows his eyebrows at her, concern obvious on his face, but she pretends not to see it, already standing up and moving towards the door.

"Okay," he nods, somewhat pensively. "But you can always stay."

She thinks about staying, about climbing into bed next to him, burying her face in his chest and sleeping next to him, breathing him in and out. She thinks about him throwing his arm around her waist, drawing him close to her, placing his head on top of hers. It sounds like nothing short of heaven, and she really wants to have him in that way for just a little longer, before she had to let go.

But her rational brain reminds her that this would just hurt her more, prolong the pain that she would feel tomorrow, that again, she was the one who had went and caught feelings for a guy she met four days ago. Four _fucking_ days. There was no one here to blame but herself.

So, Devi shakes her head, and turns, walking out of his room. She quickly walks the twenty feet it takes to get to her room, and slams the door, shutting off the lights and sinking into her own bed. As soon as her head hits the pillow, she closes her eyes, trying to shut out the world.

The black and white she had earlier is all gone, replaced by grey, and she can't help but feel like it's plaguing her, following her. The only time she's felt similar to this amount of pain was when her dad passed, and even though that was definitely worse, and different, pain was still pain. Except this didn't feel like sorrow or grief. It felt more like _heartbreak_ , something Devi knew nothing about.

Her eyes suddenly fly open as she realizes she's still wearing Ben's sweatshirt, his scent clouding her vision, and she can't stop the tears from falling then.

* * *

Devi blearily opens her eyes the next morning after tossing and turning the whole night. She glances at her phone, which was ringing. It was a call from Ally, and even though it was barely 8 am, she accepted it, getting up to examine herself in the mirror.

"Hey, girl. How're you feeling?"

Devi takes in her own reflection, disheveled hair to rumpled hoodie to her shorts which had ridden up in her sleep. "Terrible. Just woke up."

Ally laughs. "Well, I don't know if you saw our texts, but C and I were going to morning yoga on deck in around a half hour. You wanna come?

"I—sure, I guess. Um, when are we heading back?"

"Around 2, I think, we'll be back in Charleston. And I think Ben volunteered to drive back to Jersey, so it should be pretty peaceful because you two can't fight."

Although Ally's tone is jovial, Devi recalls with a start the first day of their cruise. Meeting him and him asking her dumb questions, bothering her the whole day, but still somehow being one of the only reasons she felt better. He was patient with her from the beginning, giving her a chance even though she was her usual brash self, and it was unfair, really.

"Oh, really? When did he say that?"

"He texted Josh last night apparently. Why?"

Her brain cells begin connecting dots way too fast for this early in the morning. She thinks about what happened no less than 12 hours ago _again_ , the memory plaguing her the entire night. And while offering to drive wasn't exactly a mean thing to do, the timing of it made nerves tangle in her stomach.

"No reason. Just seems an awfully nice thing for him to do."

"He's not a terrible person."

"Why is everyone _fucking_ saying that nowadays?" Devi bites the inside of her cheek, cursing herself for this outburst so early in the morning. "Sorry, I'm just tired."

"That's okay. I get it. So, we'll see you at yoga?"

"Yeah, um—yeah, sure. I'll be there."

"Great. Let's eat after, okay? And you're all packed, right?"

Devi's eyes widen as she recalls sinking into bed and crying into her pillow, tossing and turning the whole night, but definitely _not_ packing. "Um, almost, just a few things to finish up."

"Okay, good. I'll see you soon."

Ally hangs up and Devi gives herself a minute to process her thoughts. She wasn't sure whether she should tell her friends that something happened between her and Ben, but that was a lesser worry. A more prominent one was giving him back his sweatshirt, which she realized with a start she was still wearing.

Devi glares at her reflection and pulls the offending garment off, throwing it on the ground before stepping into her bathroom, ready to get the day over with.

She grabs her phone and queues up Lizzo. As she showers, the hot water sears into the marks all over her body, stinging slightly, and as much as she wants to ignore it, Devi finds she can't. His memory is on her, the marks and pain temporary, but something deeper, which she fears is more permanent.

Sighing, she changes into leggings and a tank top, resolving to pack as soon as she gets back from breakfast.

Heading up to deck, she spots the numerous yoga mats laid out and finds Ciara and Ally easily.

"Hey guys," she greets them.

Ally smiles at her in greeting, already sitting down on her yoga mat, stretching, but Ciara drags her to the water fountain nearby.

"C, I'm getting a little tired of you hurting me every time you wanna talk," Devi complains, somewhat blearily.

"Okay, well, I'm not apologizing," her friend says, although her grip loosens a little. "I know you said you wanted to take yesterday for yourself, and we let you. Ally might be okay with you not responding to our texts for hours, but I got worried. I _still_ am worried."

Devi sighs. "I know, and I'm sorry. I wasn't really on my phone much yesterday. Tryna enjoy the moment, and all."

Ciara pins her an I'm-not-buying-it look before tightening her grip again. "Don't lie to me, Devi. It's just—it's not like you to disappear for a whole day and not picking up calls or anything. I want you to be okay, is all."

"I promise, I'm fine. I was dealing with, um, you know, the drill, the noise and my… dad." It wasn't a lie, because she'd never lie about anything concerning her dad, at least not to her friends anyway. But it _was_ a statement which left out some of the truth, a very crucial part of the truth. Although, she did recall someone from high school telling her a lie by omission was still a lie. 

Her friend's face softens as she pulls her in for a hug instead. "I'm glad you're okay."

Devi nods into Ciara's shoulder, trying to ignore the guilt pooling in her stomach.

They go through yoga without much more disagreement, and have a relatively quiet breakfast as well. Soon, Devi realizes with a start it's almost 11, and excuses herself to run back to her room to pack.

Back in her room, Devi haphazardly throws clothes and makeup items into her suitcase. Realizing she's doing a shit job at packing, she sighs a little, dumps out her suitcase, and starts over, taking her time this time around. Soon, she's done, and she scans her room for signs of things she's missed, checking her drawers and the floor. Eyes landing on the grey sweatshirt on the floor, she sighs with dread. 

* * *

Devi paces outside his room, wondering if she was about to make the right decision, before raising her hand to knock on it. She glances at the glass door at the end of the hallway, faintly noting that the sky seemed dark while she waits.

"Hey, David," Ben says, the nickname falling from his lips gently.

She jerks her head back to stare at him, her heartbeat picking up its pace in her neck. He's dressed in khakis and a flannel paired with a simple tee, and his hair is windswept enough for her to feel a little breathless.

"Here," she abruptly pushes the sweatshirt at his chest, remembering what she came here to do.

He glances down at the grey material, as if he's just now noticing it. "Oh, um, thanks. But you didn't have to give it back to me."

She glares a little at him. "Well, then what the hell was I supposed to do with it? Wear it? Carry it around and treasure it?"

Ben looks worried now, eyes filled with apprehension as he asks his next question. "Are you doing okay?"

" _Yes_ ," she bites out.

"Okay, well. I just realized I never got to thank you for last night," he reaches a hand up, rubbing the back of his neck. "So, thank you. For a great night."

She crosses her arms at him, trying to ignore how her cheeks feel warmer at the mention of last night. "Why're you driving us back today? Just needed to go out and do something nice for everyone? Hero complex much?"

His eyes are weary, as if he's had this conversation with her a million times over. "Driving takes my mind off things. It distracts me from my feelings."

She barrels on, barely paying attention to what she's saying now. "You're on vacation, Gross. It's not like you have a ton of problems rolling in. Oh wait, you must have _such_ a hard time returning to the real world, right? Forgot how hard life in the 21st century America is for a rich, white, Yale-educated man."

She watches something inside him snap, tension pouring into his jawline as it tightens, eyes darkening with something she's never seen before. When he speaks, his voice is deep and tight, as if he's trying to rein himself in.

"Okay. What is your problem with me?"

She laughs then, the sound shrill even to her ears. "I _hate_ you, that's my problem, Gross."

The giant, rumbling sound of a thunderclap makes Devi jump a little, and she glances at the glass at the end of the hallway to see rain falling, already steady. She realizes how sad it is that the weather on their cruise seemed to be getting worse the longer they were on it. Kind of like even Mother Nature knew her and Ben together was disastrous.

Ben steps forward, eyes on her, seemingly oblivious to whatever is happening outside. "I don't think that's it. I think it's something else, something you're scared of. Something you keep trying to push deep inside. "

"I don't need you to psychoanalyze me or whatever," she says forcefully, backing away from him. "I've got my shit figured out."

Then, Devi turns on her heel and heads for the deck, ignoring the fact that it was pouring outside. She can hear him rushing to close and lock his door—probably worried someone would steal his stuff, _what_ an asshole—before his footsteps follow hers, clear and heavy.

She stops right in front of the door to the deck. "You can't figure me out, Ben. You can try all you want though."

With that, she pushes open the door, walking over to the same railing she was leaning against last night, watching the angry sky fight with the ocean, grey and blue mixing together.

She thinks he hasn't followed her until she feels a hand on her arm, and he whips her around to face him. He's close enough to her that she can see the water droplets on his eyelashes, rain falling all around him, but he still looks good, _still_ looks attractive to her, and Devi is starting to worry she's gone crazy.

"What if I want to?" he demands, arm still on hers.

She chokes on her own breath, swallowing the scent of the sea. "Huh?"

His face is earnest, concentrated, treading on the edge of anger. "What if I _want_ to try? With you? For something?"

Devi furrows her eyebrows, trying to push down the jump of her heart in her chest. "It wouldn't work, Gross."

"Why _not_?" he says angrily, as if she should be reading his mind. She's not quite sure why not either, but his tone makes something inside her prickle and instead she just raises her voice.

"Why not? Excuse me? We met five days ago, spent two of those days hating each other, and the other three just tolerating the other's presence. I barely know anything know about you."

The words somehow manage to make him even more mad, and she can just see a flash of black in his eyes. "You're right," he says roughly, pulling her a little closer. "We _did_ meet five days ago. But I know you better than you think and I want to know you better. I want to try for something with you, Devi."

She is still thinking about what to say back to him when Ben pushes her against the railing and steps in front of her.

"Okay, look. Last night was amazing. And not just because of the great sex, but because I had you. All to myself. And I—I want you like that for a lot longer."

Devi tries to take a step back, but the railing is pressing into her shoulder blades and Ben is right in front of her and she's half tempted to jump into the ocean, because fuck the consequences, this conversation was growing increasingly difficult as the minutes passed.

Instead, she sighs heavily. "Ben, it—it feels like we've been just missing each other our whole lives. High school, college and even now. What if that's for a reason? What if this was doomed from the"—

" _Jesus_ , Devi," he snaps, rage flooding his blue eyes. "I'm not asking you to fucking marry me."

"But we're gonna be working in different cities in a month from now!" she tries once more, knowing the argument is feeble. "We're gonna be almost three hours away from each other. I don't see how this would work."

"I lied, okay?" he bellows, the force of it almost making her jump. "I _lied_. I'm not gonna be at the Portland headquarters. I'm gonna be in Seattle. I lied because I realized I liked you and I wanted you, but I didn't wanna scare you into feeling like you"—

She doesn't wait to hear the rest before she leans forward and presses her lips to his. He tastes like rain and sunshine all at once. She kisses the water droplets off of his lips as he wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her into him. He kisses her back, softly and languidly, and she sighs into his mouth.

As a streak of lightning crashes above them, sky splitting in two, Devi wants to think that maybe Mature Nature approves.

* * *

They walk back to Ben's room with all the awkwardness of teenagers who just had their first kiss, hands brushing each other but not holding.

He stops in front of the door, drenched to the core, but eyes still bright as ever. "You know, when you came here before, I was gonna ask you to ride shotgun while I drove. So, you know, you could, um, help me navigate."

Devi quirks an eyebrow at him, smirking. "A man trying to give me an opportunity to better my navigational skills. How kind. Charming, really."

His eyes widen as regret ghosts over his face. "No! No. I didn't really mean in it that way. It would just be um, cool, I guess, to, you know—"

"Crash the car with our constant bickering?"

Ben looks at her, seeming to realize she was messing with him. His face changes in understanding, and he wraps an arm around her waist and hauls her close to him.

She ignores the way her breathing involuntarily quickens, wet clothes and all, and leans away from him teasingly.

"I actually meant more along of the lines of," he whispers into her ear. "I like sitting next to you. Having you close to me feels nice."

The words are kind, sweet, but she can't let him see her cave. "You've already turned disgustingly sappy, Ben."

He bites her earlobe and she shivers a little. "I'll make you eat your words if you don't watch it."

"Try me."

Ben's eyes darken and he pulls her into his room and pushes her up against the wall. "Oh, I will. I will until you get sick of me. "

She laughs as he leans forward to kiss her forehead. “Honestly? Don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon, Gross.”

“It better not, David.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u guys for letting me indulge in this vacation AU! your support has meant SO much to me i wish i could describe it! lots of love <33

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading! following chapters will prolly be longer!
> 
> i'd love to hear from you guys! [tumblr](https://ravenclawbutcrabby.tumblr.com/)


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